SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Alcohol. Because no good story starts with, “This one time I ate a salad…”

   After Labor Day, it's no longer fashionable to wear white, so I'm spending today in a $12,000 Vera Wang Wedding Gown.

   I just heard a woodpecker call me a 'paranoid old weirdo' in morse code.

   Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.

   If you come to my front door with a clip board I will just ask you if your clip board is an ipad until you leave.

   I do not, and never will, know my confirmation number.

   The Bible is a lot like those online Terms of Use Agreements. Everyone says they agree with it, but very few people actually read it.

   My healthcare policy basically only covers taking off my shoe to twist my sock around a little bit so the seam isn't right under my toe

   I'd say popping your trunk to release 10,000 butterflies is the most magical way to elude the cops.

   How come tragic events never seem to happen to groups of clowns?