Mark Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Due to slow sales, Apple CEO Tim Cook has been given a 15 percent pay cut. Or as Cook is spinning it, he’s coming out with a thinner more lightweight wallet.
←Rate | 01-10-2017 21:02 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lawmakers here in New York are considering a plan to bring slot machines to LaGuardia Airport. Of course there's always that other way to gamble at LaGuardia — checking a bag.
←Rate | 03-20-2014 20:47 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon The president announced his bracket for the NCAA tournament. March Madness and Obama is predicting Michigan State will beat Louisville to win the national championship. Going by Obama's past predictions, I want to congratulate Louisville on their big wi
←Rate | 03-20-2014 20:45 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon Researchers in China have developed these things called “smart tags” that stick to containers and change color when food has gone bad. That's in addition to that other thing that changes color when food goes bad — food.
←Rate | 03-19-2014 14:06 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon A new study reveals that parents who spend more time on their smartphones have more negative interactions with their children. While parents who spend less time on their smartphones are really mad that they forgot their charger.
←Rate | 03-11-2014 19:35 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon Biden's teeth were so white last night, they're voting for Romney.
←Rate | 10-12-2012 07:32 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon I never knew Charlie Sheen drank, until I saw him sober once.
←Rate | 09-23-2012 22:24 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon I will never understand deer....napping beside the highway. Very dangerous!
←Rate | 09-23-2012 22:21 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon Seems Taylor Swift is dating a Kennedy. Let's hope she owns a life jacket. :-/
←Rate | 09-23-2012 22:19 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon Stumbled into bed late last night. "You're drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."
←Rate | 09-05-2012 18:37 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon I want to start a women's magazine called "Period". And some months I'll send it out late just to freak out my subscribers.
←Rate | 09-05-2012 18:33 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon Everyone knows spray tans and Tang come from the same stem cells as Cheetos, so why does Wikipedia keep deleting my edits?
←Rate | 06-05-2012 13:41 by mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why did Facebook go public? Couldn't they figure out the privacy settings either?
←Rate | 05-19-2012 11:53 by mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just trying to see who reads my post. Describe me using only your Facebook password....
←Rate | 02-28-2012 19:22 by mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon One thing vampire children are taught at a very young age is, never run with a wooden stake
←Rate | 02-26-2012 10:14 by mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fun Fact of The Day: Barbies get fat too, if you microwave them
←Rate | 02-20-2012 09:58 by mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Beach Boys reunited at the Grammys. They're headed out on tour for their 50th anniversary. Now when they sing about surfing, they mean surfing the Internet for discounted prostate medication.
←Rate | 02-15-2012 13:58 by mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon Valentine's gift ❒Electric Tooth Brush ❒ Electric Blanket ✔ Electric Chair
←Rate | 02-03-2012 09:22 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon Iron Man is a super hero. Iron Woman is a command.
←Rate | 01-14-2012 21:56 by mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon According to the Mayans, the world is supposed to end in the year 2012. Are you buying that? When's the last time you even ran into a Mayan?
←Rate | 01-06-2012 12:11 by mark Comments (0)  


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