ME Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Probably the worst thing to hear when wearing that new bikini is, "Good for you".
←Rate | 06-03-2016 18:10 by Me Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gorilla Lives Matter
←Rate | 06-02-2016 12:02 by ME Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bad things happen when you try to multitask with a single task brain.
←Rate | 08-23-2013 15:04 by me Comments (0)  

   messageicon Im using internet explorer so I hope this isnt too late. Happy new year 2009
←Rate | 06-12-2013 11:47 by Me Comments (0)  

   messageicon My best friend in Florida won the power 540 million power ball....Okay, I haven't actually met him yet but I am sure we will be the best friends forever.
←Rate | 05-19-2013 08:59 by Me Comments (0)  

   messageicon Studies show that California has the highest rate of Adultery and Depression....It's a sad State of affairs.
←Rate | 05-17-2013 09:04 by Me Comments (0)  

   messageicon Long Island ice tea proves that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
←Rate | 05-10-2013 16:46 by Me Comments (0)  

   messageicon Conversations that start with "Don't get mad" seldom end that way.
←Rate | 05-05-2013 07:46 by Me Comments (0)  

   messageicon Roses are red, violets are blue, the boss snuck out early and I am too.
←Rate | 05-03-2013 15:06 by Me Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.
←Rate | 04-13-2013 10:38 by Me Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate when the guy seated next to me on the plane falls asleep and his azz starts to snore.
←Rate | 04-07-2013 07:11 by Me Comments (0)  

   messageicon I told my wife .. if she ever wanted to try anal sex, I'd be behind her all the way
←Rate | 08-10-2012 20:37 by me Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ryan Braun - way to beat the "guilty until proven innocent" rap!!
←Rate | 02-23-2012 22:20 by me Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sign seen at Bank window: "We don't mind you talking on your cell phone as long as you don't mind us IGNORING YOU! Thank you so much!"
←Rate | 02-08-2012 04:32 by Me Comments (0)  

   messageicon If ever you get sad, think of a T-Rex trying to masturbate
←Rate | 02-05-2012 04:49 by me Comments (0)  

   messageicon People think I'm quiet because I'm shy, but really I've been silently judging them from afar and determining that they're all phucking retards
←Rate | 01-06-2012 22:32 by me Comments (0)  

   messageicon you're not fat, you are just easy to see
←Rate | 01-06-2012 22:29 by me Comments (0)  

   messageicon Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, surrounded by a$$holes!
←Rate | 01-06-2012 22:28 by me Comments (0)  

   messageicon im gassy while watching the news... imma go occupy the toilet
←Rate | 11-30-2011 12:26 by me Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've finally figured out why they're called 'payslips'.... the 'pay' just 'slips' right through your fingers!!! :(
←Rate | 11-10-2011 18:17 by me Comments (0)  


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