Jitney Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Did the kid who was voted most likely to succeed back in high school...succeeded yet?
←Rate | 09-27-2017 11:45 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Polarized glasses for sale. Not used at all. Need money for Powerball!!
←Rate | 08-23-2017 20:13 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Summer.....where are you going???Why are you leaving me??? Whyyyyyyyy.... All these back to school pics...and and and...school supplies.....and .....school zone lights are flashing again....
←Rate | 08-19-2017 18:11 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dearly beloved God, I wanna take a minute, not to ask for anything from you. But simply to say thank you, for all I have.
←Rate | 08-19-2017 17:39 by jitney Comments (3)  

   messageicon I switch my phone to united airplane mode and now I woke up in a hospital with a headache!
←Rate | 04-13-2017 11:40 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dont blame me for you crazy issues! If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
←Rate | 03-07-2017 13:11 by jitney Comments (1)  

   messageicon If I had a penny everytime that I thought about you, my pants would fall down.
←Rate | 03-06-2017 09:33 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Abolish the department of education for failing and producing Paul Rand who wants to abolish the department of education.
←Rate | 03-06-2017 09:32 by Jitney Comments (1)  

   messageicon I was in the elevator.... I pressed number 1. The elevator said with an attitude: "You're going down." F#¥k you Otis
←Rate | 03-06-2017 09:24 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit
←Rate | 03-05-2017 17:30 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon From now on I will only accept apologies in cash......
←Rate | 03-04-2017 00:33 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Real valentine Holiday is 15Feb...when chocolate is 70% off!
←Rate | 02-13-2017 15:04 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon No thanks on the street corner baskets for Valentines Day. Just put those $10 on a chipotle card.
←Rate | 02-13-2017 15:02 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon The American Dream is still Alive folks...You just can't do it as an employee or a Hillary
←Rate | 01-30-2017 13:56 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Can I safely look at a picture of the sun on my phone? I know you not suppose to look at the sun, but how about a picture?" - My wife
←Rate | 01-19-2017 22:38 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ya know, that damn commercial lies! I spent 3 hrs yelling out my window "Its MY money and I want it now!!" Only thing I got was ticket for disturbing the peace!
←Rate | 01-19-2017 13:16 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon No more wet foot, dry foot for the Cubans #obamasfarewell
←Rate | 01-12-2017 18:50 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Another celebrity just died this year....RIP Ronda Rousa Boxing Career
←Rate | 12-31-2016 16:28 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can someone tell me when Santa is coming? He forgot some of the stuff I asked for
←Rate | 12-29-2016 10:35 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon I had this stupid female waitress taking out order. My friend asked for a Caesar salad, she then asks: "What dressing?" My brain almost imploded.
←Rate | 12-16-2016 02:37 by jitney Comments (0)  


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