Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Any Tiger Woods fans here?
←Rate | 09-23-2018 20:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever I played the piano when I was a kid, my dog would howl. Eventually getting fed up with the dog's howling. My dad said for goodness sakes, can you play something the dog does't know.
←Rate | 09-23-2018 20:22 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never trust a person who doesn't sing along to Bohemian rhapsody when it comes on the radio!
←Rate | 09-23-2018 18:59 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not the sort of person who is in a position to cast the first stone, but I sure as hell will cast the second one.
←Rate | 09-23-2018 18:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In a crowded room I like to let out a silent but deadly fart then shout "do I smell popcorn" so everyone gets a good whiff!
←Rate | 09-23-2018 13:10 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon ATTENTION!!! Heavy rain is on the forecast this week, please use permanent markers for your eyebrows.
←Rate | 09-23-2018 13:05 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon [Breaking News] Australian strawberries found in Salisbury!
←Rate | 09-23-2018 10:53 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon As a New Yorker " aight bet " could mean " I totally agree with you" or possibly your life is in danger
←Rate | 09-23-2018 10:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "What's the new baby's name?" "We don't know..we can't understand a word he says!"
←Rate | 09-23-2018 07:24 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've been having a problem with nuisance phone calls! The most common one seems to be "You said you'd be home from the pub three hours ago!"
←Rate | 09-23-2018 06:58 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can someone NOT on welfare lend me their social insurance number so I can get a little extra income, I'll go splits with ya
←Rate | 09-22-2018 23:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon HEY, I wrote the manual on ADD…. Well, it's not actually a manual. It's only 3 sentences…. The rest is a drawing of a giant space robot eating a skyscraper made of muffins.
←Rate | 09-22-2018 21:56 by Scstarman Comments (1)  

   messageicon I bought a bottle of Himalayan salt today. It's supposed to be two hundred and fifty million years old. I just noticed the expiration date is July, 2019. Good thing they dug it up when they did.
←Rate | 09-22-2018 21:53 by Scstarman Comments (2)  

   messageicon Sometimes I think sharks eat people just so they can be on tv.
←Rate | 09-22-2018 21:51 by Scstarman Comments (0)  

   messageicon So, if you are crediting a woman for something, and treating them equally, you might be a idiot 1ibera1.
←Rate | 09-22-2018 20:41 by Con Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do squirrels ever die from old age or are they all murdered?
←Rate | 09-22-2018 17:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is an ever expanding list of things that you used to enjoy.
←Rate | 09-22-2018 17:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lady, are you a Kardashian because I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
←Rate | 09-22-2018 17:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you don't need to change your shirt after eating a hot dog you're not doing it right!
←Rate | 09-22-2018 13:14 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know when Fall season has shown up. Crappy door wreaths everywhere.
←Rate | 09-22-2018 10:37 by Rick Comments (0)  


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