Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Voting for someone, because he/she hates the same people you do, isn't considered responsible voting on your part.
←Rate | 08-10-2020 10:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have no covid-19 symptoms, which from what I hear, is a symptom of covid-19
←Rate | 08-10-2020 08:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My toddler held my hand all the way to the bathroom, gave me a kiss when I sat down, then stole my toilet paper roll and ran out of the bathroom laughing in case you were wondering what it’s like to be a parent.
←Rate | 08-10-2020 08:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ‘We both know you need to pee:’ ~the monster under my bed
←Rate | 08-10-2020 08:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If the government implants a tracking device on me the only useful information they are going to get is how many times I actually pee in a day.
←Rate | 08-10-2020 08:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife says she can breakdown cardboard packaging for the recycling bin better than I can. I think I will just let her have that one.
←Rate | 08-10-2020 08:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m not ashamed to say I will never be mature enough to help with school projects about Uranus.
←Rate | 08-10-2020 08:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Putting on a bra is like trying to wrestle two pigs into a potato sack.
←Rate | 08-10-2020 08:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Neighbor’s rooster hacks & crows like he’s been a lifelong smoker
←Rate | 08-10-2020 08:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don’t adopt a puppy to see if you’re ready for kids. Adopt a homeless guy with diarrhea & a bunch of stories that don’t go anywhere.
←Rate | 08-10-2020 08:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon came home to find the cat drunk again. the dog of course said nothing.
←Rate | 08-10-2020 08:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My husband pissed me off so I bought another half-dozen throw pillows for our bed.
←Rate | 08-10-2020 08:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Am I the only one who whispers, “Get a job,” into the baby monitor?
←Rate | 08-10-2020 08:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I made a Bacon, Lettuce & Tomato sandwich for breakfast. I left off the lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise and bread.
←Rate | 08-10-2020 08:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I do less before 9AM than most people don't do all day.
←Rate | 08-10-2020 08:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ultimate dad move: Tattoo a saddle on their leg.
←Rate | 08-09-2020 11:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't usually play these games, but I'm bored. Fill in the blanks. Banks account #: Routing #: Name on debit card: Pin number #: CCV #: Expiration date:
←Rate | 08-09-2020 00:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Jessie is a friend. He has a pet squirrel that brings him tacos. You know, I wish I had Jessie's squirrel.
←Rate | 08-08-2020 23:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never taking off a mask to avoid viruses is like never taking off your pants to have sex. They both guarantee you wont get "any."
←Rate | 08-08-2020 15:18 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Name something you would say to a friend in 2020 who would think you were completely crazy if you said it to them in 2019 Copy and paste to see what your friend's say.
←Rate | 08-08-2020 13:15 Comments (0)  


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