Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Seven qualities I look for in a woman. 1. Beautiful. 2. Intelligent. 3. Gentle. 4. Thoughtful. 5. Innocent. 6. Trustworthy. 7. Sensible . Or in short B.I.G.T.I.T.S.
←Rate | 07-21-2018 03:10 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wife said you always come home in a bad mood. I can't remember the last time you came home in a good one. I said of course not..... that's because you weren't home.
←Rate | 07-21-2018 00:52 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon My kids treat me like a god. They ignore my existence untill they need something.
←Rate | 07-21-2018 00:27 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Moms, Save money on cereal by putting generic cereal in a bran name box. That way the kids will never know their eating generic cereal.
←Rate | 07-20-2018 22:42 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Read a weather book about rainbows called Rainbows by Sunny Showers."
←Rate | 07-20-2018 21:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife is a porn star. If she ever finds out, she'll kill me.
←Rate | 07-20-2018 20:42 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Why is trump so hard on fake news? After fake news is what got him elected.
←Rate | 07-20-2018 20:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder what other phone calls Cohen has recorded?
←Rate | 07-20-2018 16:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life Lesson: The ONLY person that can pledge 100% loyalty to you is YOURSELF.
←Rate | 07-20-2018 14:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I predict a low-speed police chase at some point, with Trump in a golf cart and Rudy driving.
←Rate | 07-20-2018 14:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The music band, Queen, said they misspoke on one of their song lyrics. They meant to say, We WON'T Rock You.
←Rate | 07-20-2018 12:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so poor growing up that we couldn't afford hamburger helper so we bought beef assistant.
←Rate | 07-20-2018 11:29 by R.Riley Comments (0)  

   messageicon To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you. You've got my Word.
←Rate | 07-20-2018 07:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sadly, my pet rock, Jeff, passed away in his sleep last night. He is proceeded by his wife of 32 years Emma. He is survived by sons, Jeff Jr. and Anthony. In lieu of flowers, the family asks for donations to March of Dimes.
←Rate | 07-20-2018 06:35 by Bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon What if the Russians really did hack the elections and foiled the Left's plan to rig the election and now they are mad at Trump
←Rate | 07-19-2018 16:03 Comments (7)  

   messageicon In school I think all of our wives got straight A's in buyology.
←Rate | 07-19-2018 14:15 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m
←Rate | 07-19-2018 13:27 Comments (2)  

   messageicon If there was such a thing as a tax on brains Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez would be due a refund.
←Rate | 07-19-2018 08:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wish I was a Unicorn so I could stab people with my head.
←Rate | 07-19-2018 07:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Woman are the only creatures to defly the laws of gravity. The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.
←Rate | 07-19-2018 00:30 by Jake Comments (1)  


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