Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I've just declared a national emergency! Now for some golf in Florida!
←Rate | 02-16-2019 05:27 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can you get fired for wearing leather pants to work?
←Rate | 02-16-2019 01:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just gave a huge pile of laundry the finger while I walked past it
←Rate | 02-16-2019 01:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Want to meet eligible singles in your area? Then mill around the Valentine candy clearance aisle.
←Rate | 02-15-2019 23:31 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why does every state think theirs is the only one with crazy f*cking weather? An imaginary border doesn't affect the weather...
←Rate | 02-15-2019 16:50 Comments (5)  

   messageicon This move by Trump is a sliding slope of abuse of powers. Next week he is gonna declare a national emergency if the White House is low on diet coke.
←Rate | 02-15-2019 15:46 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I think I am going to declare a Family Emergency and appropriate funds from other parts of our family budget and use them to buy beer.
←Rate | 02-15-2019 15:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The pet shop owner told me the bird cage wasn't made out of nickel. I guess that makes it a Nickeless Cage.
←Rate | 02-15-2019 15:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's something just really wrong about 2 for the price of 1 Valinetimes day cards that say "Nobody makes me smile like you do" :(
←Rate | 02-15-2019 13:24 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Cupid is the perfect symbol for Valentine's Day. Because nothing fills me with love more than a fat baby firing arrows at my butt.
←Rate | 02-15-2019 10:18 Comments (1)  

   messageicon St Peter: " did you die?" Me: "I was sat on a beanbag and the house caught fire"
←Rate | 02-15-2019 04:46 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon insider trading tip...tomorrow's Energizer & Duracell stocks go down some
←Rate | 02-14-2019 23:40 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon If he say he is busy on valentines day, you're the other woman.
←Rate | 02-14-2019 17:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Vegan: Pigs are one of the smartest animals, how can you eat them? Me: 2 out of 3 of them build their houses out of $hit materials...
←Rate | 02-14-2019 17:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon She said she loves me but her PMS just showed up today
←Rate | 02-14-2019 16:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Amazon just broke up with New York... on Valentine's Day...
←Rate | 02-14-2019 15:12 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon Being a sports store without Nike is like being a gas station without gas.
←Rate | 02-14-2019 13:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon WHAT I SAID TO MY EX ON OUR LAST VALENTINE'S DAY Today is my cheat day!
←Rate | 02-14-2019 12:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Reese with her spoon is always ready for cereal.
←Rate | 02-14-2019 11:45 by Dj Comments (0)  

   messageicon People who don’t know the difference between your and you’re need to get there grammer act together.
←Rate | 02-14-2019 11:43 by Dj Comments (2)  


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