Funny Status Messages for Facebook

X says JAB, LMAO, Justine* Bieber wants to be taken seriously, Seriously ha ha ha. . .

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-20-2013 05:06 Comments (0)

X is I wish the bags under my eyes had weed in them.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-20-2013 00:54 by StonerDudee Comments (0)

X is I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no f*cking money in there.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-20-2013 00:51 by StonerDudee Comments (0)

X is Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Huge tits.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-20-2013 00:50 by StonerDudee Comments (0)

X I'm always nice to the new guy at work, because you can make bank on the show "Undercover Boss"

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-19-2013 23:11 by @gnarleycharley Comments (0)

X I have feigned outrage over feigned outrage.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-19-2013 21:18 Comments (0)

X For my wedding anniversary I wanted to make my wife feel special. So I gave her a helmet, some goggles, an egg beater, and a pack of fruit flavoured crayons.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-19-2013 19:16 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)

X is Some days feel like abandon your life and join the French Foreign Legion kind of days.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-19-2013 18:41 by SethAndHisLife Comments (0)

X says Physician: One who can form complete sentences.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-19-2013 18:15 Comments (0)

X To err is human; to blame it on someone else shows management potential.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-19-2013 17:38 Comments (0)

X Physician -One upon whom we set our hopes when I'll and our dogs when well.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-19-2013 17:30 Comments (0)

X has pants that say Snickers on them because they are packed with nuts and they always satisfy.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-19-2013 14:43 by Prince Shawn Comments (0)

X Shout out to all the Amish people reading this status..........................BUSTED

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-19-2013 14:29 by BigSarge Comments (0)

X says I lay nude daily in my back yard just in case Google Earth decides to update.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-19-2013 12:56 Comments (0)

X says There's more to Alcohol than life!!!

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-19-2013 12:41 by J.D. Comments (0)

X Next time your sit at a McDonald's playland and a parent asks you, "Which one is yours?" Say, "I haven’t picked one out yet!" It's worth it.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-19-2013 11:54 by HiYourJon Comments (1)

X says People don’t realize how hard it is to write stupid things on a regular basis.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-19-2013 11:52 Comments (0)

X says I'm at my sexiest when it's last call and you're pi$$ed at your boyfriend

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-19-2013 11:47 Comments (0)

X is When I visit someone's house: Them: It's so good to see you! How've you been? Come on in! Blah bleh blah... Me: What's your wifi password?

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-19-2013 11:46 Comments (0)

X why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo. who has hair on their shoulders. whos shampooing their shoulder hair. please come forward

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-19-2013 11:45 by HiYourJon Comments (0)