Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon accidentally left edibles for santa and came downstairs to find him trying to watch pink floyd on my toaster
←Rate | 11-25-2020 08:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon To be safe, avoid all vegetables and just eat pies for Thanksgiving.
←Rate | 11-25-2020 08:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You want a traditional thanksgiving? The CDC recommends you eat outside like a pilgrim this year
←Rate | 11-25-2020 07:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’ve just been called weird by my son who won’t sleep without his giant 7 foot stuffed jalapeño right next to him
←Rate | 11-25-2020 07:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I think about all that potatoes have done for me I get a little teary eyed
←Rate | 11-25-2020 07:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I had to homeschool kids because of the pandemic, recess would be 6 hours long.
←Rate | 11-25-2020 07:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My husband told me the garage light would shut off within 3 minutes of shutting the garage door, and it’s only been 4 days, but I’m starting to think he might be wrong.
←Rate | 11-25-2020 07:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know how sailors used to get scurvy from not eating citrus fruit/vitamin C? Well if there’s a disease that one gets from eating cheesecake I’m going to have it by Friday around noon.
←Rate | 11-25-2020 07:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing
←Rate | 11-25-2020 07:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to marriage counseling once. I spent $7,000 to have two women call me an arsshole.
←Rate | 11-25-2020 07:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My boyfriend does this completely insane thing where sometimes, when I ask him to take a photo of me, he takes exactly ONE photo
←Rate | 11-25-2020 07:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I often wonder what would have been had John Lennon decided to stay home that night.
←Rate | 11-25-2020 07:15 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did I miss the Grammys again! Darn that makes like 15 years in a row.
←Rate | 11-25-2020 01:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There is no proof in the Trump pudding.
←Rate | 11-25-2020 00:41 by ressug Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't wait for Biden's tell-all book to come out. It's titled "You know, the thing.."
←Rate | 11-24-2020 23:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This content is weakkk
←Rate | 11-24-2020 22:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Is it too early to put up the Christmas lights? Or should I wait till Joe Biden is sworn in?
←Rate | 11-24-2020 16:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon it too early to put up the Christmas lights? Or should I wait till Joe Biden is sworn in?
←Rate | 11-24-2020 15:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love seeing the orange man lose. it’s my daily medicine, my weekly energy, my monthly inspiration and my yearly motivation. His loss is the only reason I’m still alive, I was born to love and enjoy the failure that he has achieved.
←Rate | 11-24-2020 11:59 by WeAreTakingYourGuns Comments (1)  

   messageicon y’all ever just suck ya own tiddy or nah
←Rate | 11-24-2020 11:53 Comments (0)  


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