Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Does anyone know if they have early morning looting hours for us seniors?
←Rate | 06-02-2020 22:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My paperless origami business folded.
←Rate | 06-02-2020 17:16 by DJJackson Comments (0)  

   messageicon The wife asked me to sell my Hall and Oates collection. I said I can’t go for that, no can do.
←Rate | 06-02-2020 17:01 by DJJackson Comments (0)  

   messageicon All the major casinos are complaining about how much money they’ve lost. Now they know how we feel!!
←Rate | 06-02-2020 17:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only thing worse than not getting a joke, is being offended by one.
←Rate | 06-02-2020 14:25 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Too bad Freddie Mercury was a fl@mer. He could've had any 67 year old woman in the northeastern US.
←Rate | 06-02-2020 10:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Well… This is one way to get Mexico to build that wall
←Rate | 06-02-2020 09:36 by Disgustedby2020 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's a five minute walk from my home to the bar, but a 45 minute walk from the bar to my house. The difference is staggering...
←Rate | 06-02-2020 09:29 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pretending that looters, rioters, assaulters and arsonists are "peaceful protesters" does not make you look like a sympathizer. It makes you look like an id!ot..
←Rate | 06-02-2020 06:18 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon If the Wuhan lab had been in Vegas we wouldn't have to worry about this virus cause what happen in vegas stays in vegas
←Rate | 06-01-2020 23:48 by Cyndi Comments (0)  

   messageicon I accidentally filled the Escort with diesel....she died
←Rate | 06-01-2020 16:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon One bad cop became the cure for Corona. Who knew?
←Rate | 06-01-2020 16:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The same people who were making tiktok videos when quarantine started are the ones rioting now
←Rate | 06-01-2020 14:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If someone can explain to me how stealing and destroying is a panacea for easing racial tensions, I'm all ears.
←Rate | 06-01-2020 13:47 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why do they call it a zoom meeting, and not a co-vid?
←Rate | 06-01-2020 12:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got tested this morning for Covid-19. Ouch. Those nasal swabs go deep. Jeez, buy a gal dinner first.
←Rate | 06-01-2020 12:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Person at the grocery store: “How many months along are you?” Me, not pregnant: “Five. Can I have your Charmin?”
←Rate | 06-01-2020 12:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Looks at today’s news…. hears Benny Hill theme.
←Rate | 06-01-2020 12:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just spent 45 minutes on the treadmill – tomorrow I think I’ll actually turn it on!
←Rate | 06-01-2020 12:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I miss the days when my work wife and my wife wife were different people.
←Rate | 06-01-2020 12:28 Comments (0)  


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