Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The press can try to shove all that bIack BS down our throats all they want, but we're not swallowing any of it.
←Rate | 08-07-2020 19:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm like Crisco in a can. White, round and filled with fat.
←Rate | 08-07-2020 15:55 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I deactivated my automatic spell checker on Facebook. Who I really didn't know in real life anyways.
←Rate | 08-07-2020 15:42 by moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon My Alexis doesn't always answer me when I ask you a question, and now I know why it talks like a woman.
←Rate | 08-07-2020 15:39 by moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon ate a tomato sandwich on the porch and watched some kids kick a can, if anyone wants anything from 1935
←Rate | 08-07-2020 14:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thighland a country or an awesome strip joint?
←Rate | 08-07-2020 14:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Biden's Brain Matters...not
←Rate | 08-07-2020 10:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don’t know who needs to hear this, but raccoons are terrible in bed.
←Rate | 08-07-2020 09:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why are we all Facebook friends with an English teacher we had in high school
←Rate | 08-07-2020 09:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Unemployment Offices just emailed me to be a truck driver. I can’t drive a vehicle let alone a transformer
←Rate | 08-07-2020 09:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It’s really not about the dry cleaning bill. I’m just upset that your dog never called my leg afterward.
←Rate | 08-07-2020 09:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think COVID-19 is just a ploy by Netflix to get people to stay in and actually watch Adam Sandler movies.
←Rate | 08-07-2020 09:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon what happens in quarantine stays in quarantine
←Rate | 08-07-2020 09:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon think about this. if you put a banana down you have to put it on its side. but if you slice it and put those slices flat they r actually standing up. this is why I don’t trust bananas. they r never as they seem
←Rate | 08-07-2020 09:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Husband praying mantis: I have a headache
←Rate | 08-07-2020 09:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My kid wouldn’t eat it after he ordered it so I had to: A parents guide.
←Rate | 08-07-2020 09:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We were invited to a dry, vegan wedding. We declined. Then for $20, we sold the wedding invitation to a stand-up comedian who needed material.
←Rate | 08-07-2020 09:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Changing my name to ‘free unlimited high-speed wifi’ so everyone will love me.
←Rate | 08-07-2020 09:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ted Mosby, in the year 2030, told the story of how he met his children’s mother and HE NEVER MENTIONED THE CORONAVIRUS ONCE
←Rate | 08-07-2020 09:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’ve been trying to leave Rome for weeks but all their roads have this weird design flaw.
←Rate | 08-07-2020 09:02 Comments (0)  


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