Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating

Search Messages:
Page: 1 of 6365

   messageicon The officer asked, "You drinking?" I said, "You buying?" And we just laughed and laughed. I need bail money.
←Rate | 02-28-2024 10:13 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not homophobic. I'm pro-vagina.
←Rate | 02-28-2024 09:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Now that I've gotten older I've come to realize why Bigfoot stays away from people.
←Rate | 02-27-2024 10:25 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon My patience is basically like a Gift Card. Not sure how much is left on it but we can give it a try.
←Rate | 02-26-2024 05:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Backstreet Boys are now doing Downy fabric softener commercials, which means their career is officially over.
←Rate | 02-24-2024 14:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I told the bank manager that I wanted to open a joint account. He asked who with? I said, the customer with the most money.
←Rate | 02-24-2024 06:05 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon Blacks comprise 13% of the US population. The exception being daytime TV court shows. Then it's 99%.
←Rate | 02-23-2024 13:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I couldn't get a reservation at my local library. They were booked!!!
←Rate | 02-22-2024 06:07 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon I learned a valuable lesson today. An LED bulb doesn't work in an easy bake oven. I've been cooking this roast chicken for five hours and it's still raw.
←Rate | 02-20-2024 15:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife is not talking to me today because she asked me what the female equivalent of the "mancave" is and I told her it's called the kitchen.
←Rate | 02-20-2024 10:03 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left