Funny Status Messages for FacebookThousands of statuses to update your Funny Facebook Status, Twitter status, or profile.
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X says JAB, LMAO, Justine* Bieber wants to be taken seriously, Seriously ha ha ha. . .
X is I wish the bags under my eyes had weed in them.
X is I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no f*cking money in there.
X is Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Huge tits.
X I'm always nice to the new guy at work, because you can make bank on the show "Undercover Boss"
X I have feigned outrage over feigned outrage.
X For my wedding anniversary I wanted to make my wife feel special. So I gave her a helmet, some goggles, an egg beater, and a pack of fruit flavoured crayons.
X is Some days feel like abandon your life and join the French Foreign Legion kind of days.
X says Physician: One who can form complete sentences.
X To err is human; to blame it on someone else shows management potential.
X Physician -One upon whom we set our hopes when I'll and our dogs when well.
X has pants that say Snickers on them because they are packed with nuts and they always satisfy.
X Shout out to all the Amish people reading this status..........................BUSTED
X says I lay nude daily in my back yard just in case Google Earth decides to update.
X says There's more to Alcohol than life!!!
X Next time your sit at a McDonald's playland and a parent asks you, "Which one is yours?" Say, "I haven’t picked one out yet!" It's worth it.
X says People don’t realize how hard it is to write stupid things on a regular basis.
X says I'm at my sexiest when it's last call and you're pi$$ed at your boyfriend
X is When I visit someone's house: Them: It's so good to see you! How've you been? Come on in! Blah bleh blah... Me: What's your wifi password?
X why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo. who has hair on their shoulders. whos shampooing their shoulder hair. please come forward