Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
←Rate | 03-22-2023 09:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so bored I decided to check out all my female friends' profiles. Some of you have the same boyfriend.
←Rate | 03-22-2023 06:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I say your slow, I mean that you are as fast as a herd of turtles stampeding through chunky peanut butter. That's slow!
←Rate | 03-22-2023 06:00 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: So according to my calendar, today is National Alien Abduction Day. In other words, the government has been lying to us. There are aliens! Lol
←Rate | 03-20-2023 08:05 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is not fair. But it's not fair for everybody. So really it IS fair.
←Rate | 03-19-2023 12:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Marriage tip: Anytime you tell your wife to do something, use your Male-dominated voice and finish it by saying "I HAVE SPOKEN!!!" She will then realize that you are always right, and she will go do what you asked her to do.
←Rate | 03-19-2023 10:01 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon Here's a pretty good sign that you've had too much to drink on St. Patrick's Day: you wake up the next morning and you look in the mirror and you've got that blue 2000 Flushes mustache.
←Rate | 03-18-2023 06:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Aren't they Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles now?
←Rate | 03-18-2023 06:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What’s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?
←Rate | 03-18-2023 06:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life lesson #35890: You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't flick your friends out the car window.
←Rate | 03-18-2023 06:00 Comments (0)  


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