Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wasn’t allowed to watch “A Charlie Brown Christmas” as a kid because of my Peanut allergy.

   I have a problem with gingerbread people living in houses made of their flesh, but I promised not to bring it up again and ruin Christmas again this year.

   I accidentally took my dogs meds this morning...TELL ME I'M A GOOD BOY ... I'M A GOOD BOY RIGHT ? WANNA SCRATCH MY BUTT ? CAN I SMELL YOURS ?

   Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down you’re almost there

   Everything I know about dancing I learned from the Charlie Brown Christmas play

   If you bought a fruitcake this past weekend, you have until March 2035 to eat it.

   Don't forget that today is "small business Saturday" so only subscribe to OnlyFans accounts in your town

   Damn, Girl. Are you Black Friday? 'Cause I'm wondering what your deal is.

   Girlfriend asked me if I seen the dog bowl. I said no but that would be very interesting.

   I accidentally took my cats meds this morning... Don't ask meow.