Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When I first heard of 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' I initially thought it was supposed to be a Star Trek show about the Klingon rivals...

   Hmmmm.... Is it me or was trump a little to friendly with french president Macro

   This is to the tune of let it be.. O obese..... O obese..... O obese..... O obese..... That's what donald trump is .... O obese.

   Most of you believe that this is April. It’s actually the 114th of January.

   The Dems have nothing! If they did, it would have leaked by now! You know what else they don’t have? VOTERS!!

   Having one child makes you a parent. Having two a referee

   Sarah Ugly-bee Sanders is only 35-years old. Are you kidding me? She looks like she took her first drivers test on a dinosaur.

   If it was Sunday, without a shred of reasonable doubt, and Donald Trump told me it was Saturday, I'd believe it was Saturday just like that.

   If it was Sunday, and Donald Trump told me it was Sunday, I'd still check the calendar.

   Self employed = prostitute, drug dealer

   Another woman cause me to leave my wife. It was her mother.

   My wife says I only have two faults. #1. I don't pay enough attention to her. #2. And something else.

   I think the toothbrush was invented in England. If it was invented anywhere else it would be called the teethbrush.

   My wife's cooking is so bad, we pray after the meal.

   Why do ugly strippers charge as much as the pretty ones?

   Guys we're having "Little Seizures" tonight!

   Just purchased the Barbie doll Collector's Edition. Comes complete with a pre-nup and all of Ken's stuff!

   A lot of southern states are celebrating Confederate Memorial day today(4/23) even though the official date is April 26. Confederate Memorial Day is a legal holiday observe in the southern states.

   One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.

   Never judge a clown until you've walked a mile in his shoes!