Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I like China. I sold an appartment building for 15 million to someone from China.

   I'm not useing lobbyist or donors money. I'm really rich. So I'm useing my own money,

   I will be the best jobs president ever created.

   Has "stump" broke the record for being the dumbest flip flopping president yet?

   Flip flop trump now says "lying ted is beautiful ted. "

   I'm that type of a guy who puts a song on repeat until the artist begs for water

   . A Hypochondriac is a person who can't leave well enough alone.

   Come on people he’s now threatening to back out of a nuclear arms deal imposed in the 80’s just to prove a point that doesn’t need to be made. You’re paychecks aren’t any bigger.. your taxes aren’t any lower. Do what’s right! Please!

   When the police shut down the town brothel. There was a sign that read, beat it, this brothel is closed.

   The villians from, The Hills Have Eyes, reminds me of Trump supporters.

   I try to see things from "his" point of view. But I can't stick my head that far up my a**.

   Welcome to your 40's. You now yawn so hard, you shake.

   Light travels faster then sound. This is why some people appear bright untill you hear them speak.

   Yes I'll be leaving the jean jacket on during foreplay.

   So what if I can’t spell Armaggedon? … it’s not the end of the world.

   People say I have the legs of a dancer. But until they find the rest of the body, the cops have nothing on me, man!

   I went to my local library yesterday, and asked: “Have you got a book on handling rejection without killing?”

   my girlfriend thinks I am in capable of being faithful my wife on the other hand.

   They say to write what you know. Chapter One: Farts

   If you run out of money at the fair, remember you can eat as much mustard & ketchup as you want for free.