Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Some girl just asked me out, well she actually told me to get out of my store, but I know what she really meant
←Rate | 12-10-2018 19:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "who does a gal have to blow around here to get to be the next Ambassador to the UN?"
←Rate | 12-10-2018 18:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon we were worried about our son's future because he can't spell, refuses to tell the truth, and only knows four adjectives; but at least he is qualified to be the President.
←Rate | 12-10-2018 18:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Does anyone want the Chief of Staff job? Is it really such a horrible job?
←Rate | 12-10-2018 18:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I once played "soggy cookie" with my male friends. I lost, but 9n the upside, the cookie tasted not too bad.
←Rate | 12-10-2018 18:00 by JimAcosta’sEgo  Comments (0)  

   messageicon Chump hires other guilty people so when the sh1t hit the fan, he'll have company in jail.
←Rate | 12-10-2018 14:34 Comments (2)  

   messageicon This is 2018, people. Please stop hating a former president just because he's black! Grow up, all of you!
←Rate | 12-10-2018 12:55 Comments (3)  

   messageicon All I asked from this president is to unite all Americans, and he couldn't even do that.
←Rate | 12-10-2018 11:48 by ConservativeMan Comments (7)  

   messageicon What's a smocking gun?
←Rate | 12-10-2018 11:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bu-bu-bu-bu, but Hilary's emails...
←Rate | 12-10-2018 11:33 by IdiotConservative Comments (0)  

   messageicon But Sir, you said you didn't make any such transaction...just like you said there was "no collusion". Remember?
←Rate | 12-10-2018 10:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I thought that Trump was going to be the "law and order" President? I guess that the laws are meant to apply to everybody else but not to him?
←Rate | 12-10-2018 10:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What payments there were no payments I made no payments you will have to ask Michael"cohen" my lawyer but he was not my lawyer.What about Hilary's e-mail.
←Rate | 12-10-2018 10:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Doesn't State Farm sell Collusion Insurance?
←Rate | 12-10-2018 10:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon But but, I thought Trump didn't have an affair with these women let alone pay them.
←Rate | 12-10-2018 10:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The four stages of Trumpian denial: 1: Categorical denial--'it never happened!' 2: Well, it *sort* of happened 3: Yes, it was quite true, but there's nothing wrong with it! 4: Yes, it was wrong but I can just pardon myself.
←Rate | 12-10-2018 10:47 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I was walking in the forest and I found a skull! I called the police and they told me not to move it. Well, I already had moved it, but I was scared to tell them that, so I picked it up carefully by one of the antlers and put it back exactly where it was.
←Rate | 12-10-2018 08:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some of you ladies look better on " would you date opposite gender of yourself
←Rate | 12-10-2018 07:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have all the world's knowledge at the very tips of my fingers where I can find the answers to life's most perplexing questions! and here I am googleing What did Oscar the Grouch do if he overslept on trash day?
←Rate | 12-10-2018 01:01 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate blacks because Trump hates them.
←Rate | 12-10-2018 00:38 by JimAcosta’sEgo  Comments (5)  


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