Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I ask you , who Hasn't drank a bottle of fireball then went down the park slide naked at least once your honor ?

   I can handle most things in life. But hearing someone chew their food is not one of them.

   Shout-out to everyone lying in bed just scrolling on their phone.

   If you ever meet a girl that admits she's wrong, apologizes, and changes her ways, dump her because she might be a man. Women don't do that.

   she is never yours, its just your turn.

   All these galaxies and planets and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

   When your phone dies and you realize you're jealous

   I'm very angry because I wasn't wearing my glasses at the store and I bought curry powder instead of the saffron I needed. I'll make use of it; I'm just mad about saffron.

   Likes his own stuff and not funny

   I just got a full tank of gas for $22. Granted it was for my lawn mower but I am trying to stay positive.