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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X It's always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they're like, "Thank you for choosing Domino's."
←Rate | 11-22-2014 16:35 by eengrms Comments (0)

X God only gives you what you can handle. Really? Because I'm pretty sure I could handle way more money...
←Rate | 11-22-2014 16:33 by eengrms Comments (0)

X When someone tries to hand me a baby, I say, "No, thanks. I'm a vegetarian..."
←Rate | 11-22-2014 16:33 by eengrms Comments (0)

X Love your neighbor, but don't get caught...
←Rate | 11-22-2014 16:32 by eengrms Comments (0)

X I often wondered what it'd be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while...
←Rate | 11-22-2014 16:31 by eengrms Comments (0)

X says UK - We call it Autumn, from the French word "autompne" and later, the Latin "autumnus" USA - WE CALL IT FALL BECAUSE LEAF FALL DOWN
←Rate | 11-22-2014 12:49 Comments (0)

X says People these days will do and say anything to divert attention from their own pathetic lives.
←Rate | 11-22-2014 11:09 Comments (0)

X says I met my GF online, in the grocery store. I was checking her out!
←Rate | 11-22-2014 09:48 by Depirts1 Comments (0)

X says Ferguson is going to kick off their black Friday shopping events with the Darren Wilson verdict.
←Rate | 11-22-2014 08:39 by @mykelhawk Comments (0)

X says Did you ever notice that Donald Duck never wore pants but always had a towel wrapped around his waist when he came out of the shower?
←Rate | 11-22-2014 06:50 Comments (0)

X says Talk to your kids about drugs. Maybe they have better connections than you.
←Rate | 11-22-2014 06:06 Comments (0)

X to the one asking us to learn the effing language, we are bilingual, how about you? jealous perhaps?? :D
←Rate | 11-21-2014 22:45 Comments (4)

X says Don't judge you by you looks? Kinda hard when you have 50 tattoos, 30 pierceings, a stupid haircut, and a shirt that says you hate me.
←Rate | 11-21-2014 20:20 Comments (0)

X says Due to extreme weather in upstate New York, some drivers were stranded in their cars for up to 36 hours. It was intense. Some of them reported hearing that new Taylor Swift song on the radio as many as 100 times....
←Rate | 11-21-2014 14:16 by Mark M Comments (0)

X says Analysts say Obama's new immigration plan will focus on deporting violent criminals. So, this could impact your fantasy football team.
←Rate | 11-21-2014 14:13 by Mark M Comments (0)

X A man was arrested in England for robbing a store not with a gun; but holding a picture of a gun. God it takes courage to be that stupid.
←Rate | 11-21-2014 10:04 Comments (0)

X I wonder if Dr. Huxtable wrote his own prescriptions for roofies?
←Rate | 11-21-2014 09:23 Comments (0)

X If you're out of high school and making min wage, you're doing it wrong.
←Rate | 11-21-2014 09:11 Comments (0)

X says Show me on this Fat Albert doll exactly where Bill Cosby touched you
←Rate | 11-21-2014 08:53 Comments (0)

X says “You wore that before” yea because it’s my shirt and I have a washing machine!
←Rate | 11-21-2014 05:21 by andrew jackson Comments (0)


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