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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 08:36 Comments (0)

X says Your honor, let the record show the defendant's eyebrows are drawn on.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 05:08 Comments (0)

X Michael Sam was rejected by BIG D.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 04:39 Comments (0)

X says you'd think with the weather being below 90 degrees, it'd be ACUTE day out
←Rate | 10-24-2014 04:12 by Eddy Comments (0)

X says good night
←Rate | 10-24-2014 02:40 Comments (0)

X says I've spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can't find his nuggets.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 02:20 Comments (0)

X says Dr: I need a urine and stool sample. Me: *hands him my underwear* Dr:...... Me: Its all there.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 02:17 Comments (0)

X says I don't think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 02:07 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)

X says Anxiety is your brain reminding you that you are a wussy.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 02:06 Comments (0)

X says I can't get the cork off my dinner.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 02:01 by Czovczov Comments (0)

X says I'm just a boy, standing in front of a hole, wondering if I might find glory on the other side.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 01:57 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says if ur date declines a kiss at the end of the night open ur mouth and let the ants escape. Then say "it's ok I had a mouthful of ants anyway"
←Rate | 10-24-2014 01:38 Comments (0)

X says A yawn is a silent scream for coffee.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 01:32 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I'm a ball of fun when I black out.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 01:30 Comments (0)

X says Difference between men and women: Women can change their mind whenever they want. Men can change their mind whenever the woman wants.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 01:24 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)

X says I'm worried for my friend. He hasn't shared a blog article about the secret to happiness in weeks.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 01:04 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 01:02 Comments (0)

X says All I'm saying is, the minute Canada starts refining its maple syrup reserves into weapons-grade Aunt Jemimium, we're all french toast.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 01:00 Comments (0)

X says What she said: "I'd make great wife material" What I heard: "I'm going to nag you to death and never touch your d*ck"
←Rate | 10-24-2014 00:59 Comments (0)

X says There are some people in this world who make you totally understand Hannibal Lecter.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 00:55 Comments (0)


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