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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X Pro tip: Always tell anyone who calls you that your phone is about to die. This way they get straight to the point and won't waste your time.
←Rate | 05-23-2015 20:42 by Uncle Bubba Comments (0)


X says Irony: When a stipper says she is not being treated like a lady.
←Rate | 05-23-2015 20:22 Comments (0)


X says guys, big red flag when a girl only life accomplishment is being a mom.
←Rate | 05-23-2015 16:45 Comments (0)


X says Memorial Day is a day to honor and remember those who have died in service of the United States of America. People honor these brave men and women in many different ways. I personally like to do so by barbecuing and drinking excessively. Cheers!
←Rate | 05-23-2015 16:15 by Bill Comments (0)




X says Are you a cigarette? Cause you got a hot butt !
←Rate | 05-23-2015 15:47 by HT Comments (0)


X says "I must make this movie" -- Nic Cage reading a menu
←Rate | 05-23-2015 14:46 Comments (0)


X says Sometimes when I drink, I start thinking about kids and a family. I might have a drinking problem
←Rate | 05-23-2015 13:33 Comments (0)


X says Dear women, We don't speak 'hint'. Yours truly, Men
←Rate | 05-23-2015 13:14 Comments (0)


X says They say revenge is a dish best served cold, but they also say revenge is sweet. I think what they're trying to say is revenge is ice cream
←Rate | 05-23-2015 13:12 Comments (0)


X says You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
←Rate | 05-23-2015 13:08 Comments (0)


X says Have you tried sitting on the bench? - my life coach
←Rate | 05-23-2015 13:06 Comments (0)


X says Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.
←Rate | 05-23-2015 11:06 by Dude Comments (0)


X says The recipe called for a hint of sea salt, unfounded rumors of rosemary, open threats of thyme, an unauthorized search and seizure of pepper.
←Rate | 05-23-2015 09:44 by andrew jackson Comments (0)


X says Dance like no one is watching. Because they're not. They're all checking their phones.
←Rate | 05-23-2015 09:44 by andrew jackson Comments (0)


X says I'm taking up photography because it's the only hobby where I can shoot people and cut off their heads without going to jail.
←Rate | 05-23-2015 07:39 Comments (0)


X says Yea, the Duggars. You spit out that many kids, 1 or 2 are bound to be defective.
←Rate | 05-23-2015 01:55 by Dude Comments (0)


X says Pac Man turned 35 today. Pretty sure he can expect some birthday head from Ms. Pac Man, although I am not sure how that would work.
←Rate | 05-22-2015 21:30 Comments (0)


X I'm a second hand vegetarian... cows eat grass and I eat cows.
←Rate | 05-22-2015 16:23 Comments (0)


X says "19 Kids and Counting". The name of a show or the number of kids Josh has fondled? The Catholics would say he isn't even close to becoming a Priest yet.
←Rate | 05-22-2015 15:06 by TraxlerJohn Comments (0)


X says I'm sorry I asked if you've ever considered smuggling when I saw your vagina.
←Rate | 05-22-2015 14:09 by Nipper Comments (0)

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