Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X says You had me at "Hello"... But you lost me when you kept talking.
X says Does anyone have an alternative to a tea that helps you sleep at night? Sometimes I just cover my mouth with chloroform but then I'm typically late for work the next morning...
X says Because I'm a gentleman, I'll carry you to the kitchen afterwards so you can make me a sandwich.
X says There's a contaminated water scare in my town and I haven't used my bidet in two days because I don't want E. coli in my bum.
X Dang it I just broke the screen on my phone. Now my sex life is shattered.
X We should be less worried about serial killers dumping bodies around the country and more concerned that it's always someone jogging that discovers them. THOSE are the people we should be looking out for...
X says Prop bets: What are the odds that Katy Perry's first song will suck?
X says I'm just here so I won't get fined.
X We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
X says Some people are like eye-candy... I'm more like eye-meatloaf.
X says The only F word out a woman's mouth that scares me is "fine."
X says Fact: you don't have to be a Girl Scout to sell Girl Scout cookies, hussle smart my friends
X You had me at "family history of premature death".
X says The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you
X says Marys dragging me to some play tonight #bored #killme
X The worst part about watching Fox Network are all the commercials for $hitty shows on Fox.
X Hey Hipsters, while you're busy fighting the system, Apple made $19 billion last quarter.
X My New Year's resolution is to procrastinate about the same.
X Getting dumped by a hoarder has to be rock bottom.
X says I gotta be honest....unless the Ghostbusters "reboot" (starring all women) is going to have them topless with proton packs...I am just not interested.