Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X says Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the "ABCs" in my head to remember which letter comes next.
X says NFL players are getting kind of soft. I've seen harder hits in an elevator
X says Not to victim-blame, but maybe Bruce Wayne’s father shouldn’t have brought his wife and 8 yr old son to a place called Crime Alley.
X says Some call it alcoholism, I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated"
X says I had walked a mile in your shoes before I realized that we don't wear the same size.
X says After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
X says new rule....everyone given a "life sentence" by a judge has to start racing NASCAR.....one of them will die fast
X was waxing on and waxing off I still dont know karate
X says went looking for camouflage underwear today.....couldn't find any
X Dear Sir, I am writing this with a heavy heart.... * Sorry it's so hard to read, I should really find a pen
X * Noah loading ark,,, "cows? check,,, goats? check",,, *llama walks up,,, " I already have llamas."... "Umm, I'm an Alpaca?".... "O.K.,, Wahatever"
X I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve visited Chernobyl… it’s 14
X "NFL gives ISIS only a two game suspension.".... Hmmmm..
X says Every yawn is a potential blowjob if you're fast enough.
X says I bought a new dildo recently And let's just say my eyes were bigger than my vagina
X says Girls adore it when you guess their weight as they walk by.
X says You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.
X says My signature move is giving a guy a roofie after sex so he has to spend the night with me.
X says I always confuse dessert and desert and I think I might've just buried a hooker in a lemon meringue pie.
X says It doesn't count as a "drug deal" if they charge full price.