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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says Retail Stores: "It's September 1st! Time to put out all the Christmas crap...."
←Rate | 09-01-2015 15:00 Comments (0)

X says When reality comes knocking, I make tequila answers the door.
←Rate | 09-01-2015 14:34 by Czovczov Comments (0)

X says I got in touch with my feminine side today by burning a house down over a text message
←Rate | 09-01-2015 14:07 Comments (0)

X "Welcome to Costco, I love you."
←Rate | 09-01-2015 13:01 Comments (0)

X Men are problem solvers, women are problem creators...
←Rate | 09-01-2015 12:01 by eengrms Comments (0)

X says I'd have sex with Martha Stewart just for the amazing breakfast she would make the next morning.
←Rate | 09-01-2015 11:52 Comments (0)

X says Funny how you don't see Oprah or Bigfoot in the same room.
←Rate | 09-01-2015 11:52 Comments (0)

X says I haven't heard anything about Farmville lately. Did those guys sell out to Monsanto?
←Rate | 09-01-2015 09:51 Comments (0)

X says Why hasn't Head and Shoulders shampoo come out with a body wash called "Knees and Toes"?
←Rate | 09-01-2015 09:50 Comments (0)

X says My wife and I got a book on how to spice up our love life. One suggestion was to make love in a car wash. It was great but it really pissed off those people doing their church fund raiser.
←Rate | 09-01-2015 09:50 Comments (0)

X says Happy 35th Birthday Pac-Man!
←Rate | 09-01-2015 08:25 Comments (0)

X My Uber driver almost crashed twice. 5 stars. Very exciting.
←Rate | 08-31-2015 23:44 by snotty Comments (0)

X says My wiener is bigger than yours......After I fold it in half
←Rate | 08-31-2015 23:15 Comments (0)

X says I once took a girl to Starbucks because I forgot her name
←Rate | 08-31-2015 22:07 by BEGO Comments (0)

X says I wonder if, Wes Craven died in his sleep....Or did he go out with a Scream?
←Rate | 08-31-2015 12:26 by Lil-David Comments (0)

X says if Kanye did become president, the first lady will be. . . let that sit in
←Rate | 08-31-2015 12:03 by randygalaxy Comments (0)

X says Hope you're feeling OK after being sexually violated by Miley Cyrus last night.
←Rate | 08-31-2015 10:02 Comments (0)

X says 2020 will be like any other election...Kanye will vote for Kanye
←Rate | 08-31-2015 02:15 by Eddy Comments (0)

X says You knew how I chew when you agreed to marry me.
←Rate | 08-31-2015 01:58 by Czovczov Comments (0)

X says Kanye even went as far to become a Kardashian to get into the spotlight.
←Rate | 08-31-2015 00:50 Comments (0)


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