Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X Pro tip: Always tell anyone who calls you that your phone is about to die. This way they get straight to the point and won't waste your time.
X says Irony: When a stipper says she is not being treated like a lady.
X says guys, big red flag when a girl only life accomplishment is being a mom.
X says Memorial Day is a day to honor and remember those who have died in service of the United States of America. People honor these brave men and women in many different ways. I personally like to do so by barbecuing and drinking excessively. Cheers!
X says Are you a cigarette? Cause you got a hot butt !
X says "I must make this movie" -- Nic Cage reading a menu
X says Sometimes when I drink, I start thinking about kids and a family. I might have a drinking problem
X says Dear women, We don't speak 'hint'. Yours truly, Men
X says They say revenge is a dish best served cold, but they also say revenge is sweet. I think what they're trying to say is revenge is ice cream
X says You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
X says Have you tried sitting on the bench? - my life coach
X says Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.
X says The recipe called for a hint of sea salt, unfounded rumors of rosemary, open threats of thyme, an unauthorized search and seizure of pepper.
X says Dance like no one is watching. Because they're not. They're all checking their phones.
X says I'm taking up photography because it's the only hobby where I can shoot people and cut off their heads without going to jail.
X says Yea, the Duggars. You spit out that many kids, 1 or 2 are bound to be defective.
X says Pac Man turned 35 today. Pretty sure he can expect some birthday head from Ms. Pac Man, although I am not sure how that would work.
X I'm a second hand vegetarian... cows eat grass and I eat cows.
X says "19 Kids and Counting". The name of a show or the number of kids Josh has fondled? The Catholics would say he isn't even close to becoming a Priest yet.
X says I'm sorry I asked if you've ever considered smuggling when I saw your vagina.