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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says Ya get the strangest looks when you roll up to the register at the grocery store with a basket full of eggs and toilet paper.
←Rate | 10-31-2014 20:26 Comments (0)

X FAKE BREEDS I'VE TOLD PEOPLE MY DOG IS AT THE DOG PARK: Venetian Dabney, Brown Feta, Waxbeard, Oxnard Pike, Blue Hustler, High Presbyterian
←Rate | 10-31-2014 19:50 by snotty Comments (0)

X says *spills beer on trick-or-treaters* No [hiccup] we're out of Snickers & Fun Dip & [hiccup] No Twix either. You want these seeded grapes or not?
←Rate | 10-31-2014 19:40 by sully Comments (0)

X Pro tip: DO NOT compliment a girl on her slutty girl Halloween costume until you confirm it's a slutty girl costume...
←Rate | 10-31-2014 18:33 Comments (0)

X says Due to the fact that I rarely get more than 2 trick or treaters, I buy candy that I like and give them a can of pork n beans!
←Rate | 10-31-2014 18:22 Comments (0)

X No its not "cute", its actually quite slutty looking, and yes I love it!
←Rate | 10-31-2014 17:11 by John Y Comments (0)

X says it's not "cute" and yes you look like a whore
←Rate | 10-31-2014 16:53 Comments (0)

X says I'm not saying she's bipolar, but it took me two hours to figure out her mood ring wasn't a strobe light.
←Rate | 10-31-2014 15:24 by TallMtnMan Comments (0)

X It's been a bad week for spacecrafts. Maybe my parents will finally stop nagging me about not becoming an astronaut...
←Rate | 10-31-2014 15:12 Comments (0)

X says Here's an idea for a costume. And your friends will never expect it. Try looking and behaving like a responsible person.
←Rate | 10-31-2014 13:28 by andrew jackson Comments (0)

X says I just googled "dying alone" and it brought me to my own Facebook Page.
←Rate | 10-31-2014 13:04 by Baddie Comments (0)

X Neighbor out of town for Halloween? I'll tell you what you do, you make some of my world famous caramel onions to sit outside their door, then sit back and wait. By morning there should be enough $h1t, toilet paper and trash around their yard to rival Det
←Rate | 10-31-2014 13:00 by John Y Comments (0)

X says The killer of the Pennsylvania Trooper was handcuffed and transported to jail with the dead Trooper's handcuffs and police car, maybe they can shoot him with the Trooper's GUN !
←Rate | 10-31-2014 12:34 Comments (0)

X says Dear Girls : No Need To Do Anything For Halloween … Just Remove The Makeup And Go To The Party
←Rate | 10-31-2014 12:28 by BEGO Comments (0)

X says Wearing my PJ pants, slippers, and carrying a Walmart bag for Halloween this year. That's right, I'm a Walmart Shopper.
←Rate | 10-31-2014 11:28 Comments (0)

X says making my world famous caramel onions to sit outside the door of a empty apartment so that way kids wont get pissed off at me when they bite into a onion instead of a caramel apple hehehe Happy Halloween
←Rate | 10-31-2014 10:34 Comments (0)

X says HR says I am allowed to dress up as a pirate for the office Halloween party but I am not allowed to try to plunder booty, even if it is mighty fine booty....this organization has too many rules.
←Rate | 10-31-2014 08:05 Comments (0)

X When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it's like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid.
←Rate | 10-31-2014 07:33 Comments (0)

X says Somedays, I'm just a walkin', talkin' meat bag full of awesome.
←Rate | 10-31-2014 07:00 Comments (0)

X says Apple CEO announces he's gay....... I kinda thought he was FRUITY
←Rate | 10-31-2014 02:32 by Eddy Comments (0)


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