Funny Status Messages | Status Message Generator | Recent Comments | Chuck Norris Sayings

Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
Oldest | Recent | Rating
Filter On | Filter Off
Search Messages:
«Previous
1
Page: 1 of 4920

X Wait?? The NSA's "Facial Recognition" software can pick a person out of a crowd but the vending maching at work can't recognize a dollar with a bent corner?
←Rate | 04-25-2015 16:58 by snotty Comments (0)


X I don't think you're supposed to use the pressure treated lumber to plank your BBQ salmon,,, but girl, your trailer looks nice
←Rate | 04-25-2015 16:53 by snotty Comments (0)


X says If Spiderman really got bit by an actual spider, how come he don't shoot webs out his butt like a real spider?
←Rate | 04-25-2015 15:58 by slopoker21 Comments (0)


X says Kid: How come dinosaurs are extinct? Me: Because Noah put two gay dinosaurs on his ark.
←Rate | 04-25-2015 13:35 Comments (0)




X says Because of people like Bruce Jenner, we will one day have a world where every child will feel safe to be exactly who they are without shame.
←Rate | 04-25-2015 13:09 Comments (0)


X says Bruce Jenner comes out as a transgender Republican and trolls on both sides suddenly don't know how to direct their hate.
←Rate | 04-25-2015 12:36 Comments (0)


X Listen,,, Anything can be cereal, if you have enough milk.
←Rate | 04-25-2015 10:58 by snotty Comments (0)


X says what if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside
←Rate | 04-25-2015 10:32 Comments (0)


X says [first date] her: so, tell me about yourself! me: well, I'm not good with dates her: but you're doing fine! me: christmas is on september 3rd
←Rate | 04-25-2015 10:30 Comments (0)


X says Listen buddy I don't come down to the Being A Stupid Piece Of Sh*t Factory and tell you how to do your job
←Rate | 04-25-2015 10:29 Comments (0)


X says Sometimes I can't tell if I'm being funny or if I'm just unbelievably depressed
←Rate | 04-25-2015 10:29 Comments (0)


X says I hate when boxing announcers say a boxer is "down for the count." I don't care that he loves Dracula I just want to know who's winning.
←Rate | 04-25-2015 10:22 by Czovczov Comments (0)


X says [judge at restaurant] "I will try... the lobster" [2 hours later] "I find the lobster guilty of money laundering and embezzlement"
←Rate | 04-25-2015 10:22 Comments (0)


X says Kock brothers just donated $450K to Waka Flacka Flame. They're hoping he's the Dem presidential nominee. Him running would be the only chance that a con would have to win
←Rate | 04-25-2015 09:24 Comments (0)


X says Bruce Jenner? Never heard of her...
←Rate | 04-25-2015 07:20 by Steve OH Comments (0)


X says i only have 1 question for Bruce Jenner. after he becomes woman, will he change his name to "Jenny Brucer" ?
←Rate | 04-24-2015 21:46 by Eddy Comments (0)


X says My Southern neighbor died this morning. We don't know what "kilt" him and we're trying to find a "pitcher" of him so we can put it in the obits..
←Rate | 04-24-2015 16:02 by 5609qt Comments (0)


X says If you say "bae" three times while looking in a mirror you get moved to the front of the line at Starbucks.
←Rate | 04-24-2015 14:42 Comments (0)


X says My favorite sex position is the "WOW". Its when I flip your "MOM" over.
←Rate | 04-24-2015 14:41 Comments (0)


X says Ommpa Loompa Doopity Do. Fake tanning lotion ain't working for you.
←Rate | 04-24-2015 14:40 Comments (0)

«Previous
1

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left