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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says It is just a fact that some people are not comedians no matter how hard they try
←Rate | 07-29-2014 12:22 by Rick Comments (0)


X Tried to kill a mockingbird but it mocked me and almost killed me instead...
←Rate | 07-29-2014 10:40 by JC Comments (0)


X says With all the botched executions lately, it has been suggested that we bring back the guillotine. But if we do that I'm sure heads will roll.
←Rate | 07-29-2014 10:21 Comments (0)


X says copy&paste quotes from comedians is like taking your pants off in public. You may get a laugh but that’s not the one you wish I guess
←Rate | 07-29-2014 09:18 Comments (0)




X says I will tell someone something so repulsive about me, just so they leave me alone, like. I like to visit farms and grab all the male animals by their balls to check for hernias. . .
←Rate | 07-29-2014 08:36 by JAB Comments (0)


X says Welcome to The Antisocial Club Now besides me, who else doesn't want to be here?
←Rate | 07-29-2014 08:14 Comments (0)


X says I think I'll open a Chinese restaraunt and call it "Wok Your Dog."
←Rate | 07-29-2014 08:03 Comments (0)


X says How much for the coping mechanism? Ma'am that's alcohol..
←Rate | 07-29-2014 07:46 Comments (0)


X Some might argue that having spider webs in your kitchen sink is a sign you need to cook more... I, however, see it as a sign that life is pretty damn good! (Let's go with that)
←Rate | 07-28-2014 23:43 Comments (0)


X Scones are just uppity biscuits...
←Rate | 07-28-2014 22:58 Comments (0)


X says Tried to kill a cockroach with Aqua Net and now it smokes two packs a day, joined my bowling league and calls itself Brenda
←Rate | 07-28-2014 22:33 Comments (0)


X says How come boogers come out so easy, and they are SO hard to get off your finger?
←Rate | 07-28-2014 22:22 Comments (0)


X says My internet goes out more than I do.
←Rate | 07-28-2014 21:53 by BOOYA Comments (0)


X "I love when people say to me… Omg! Your so funny on FB. If they only knew about my awesome copy & paste ability..They could be just as funny!" It means, I'm good for nothing and I am too lazy to copy & paste.
←Rate | 07-28-2014 18:03 Comments (0)


X "I love when people say to me… Omg! Your so funny on FB. If they only knew about my awesome copy & paste ability..They could be just as funny!" It means, I'm good for nothing and I am too lazy to search.
←Rate | 07-28-2014 18:00 Comments (0)


X "There are two ways to go about arguing with a" man "and neither one works."
←Rate | 07-28-2014 17:41 Comments (0)


X "There are two ways to go about arguing with a" men "and neither one works."
←Rate | 07-28-2014 17:41 Comments (0)


X says Raising ones leg and releasing a loud fart is a proper response for any man who doesn't like his wife's tone of voice.
←Rate | 07-28-2014 15:49 Comments (0)


X says I put on my pants just like everyone else around here, reluctantly.
←Rate | 07-28-2014 14:31 by Baddie Comments (0)


X At least now I know the real reason why I've never been asked to play on a professional volleyball team...
←Rate | 07-28-2014 14:24 by eengrms Comments (0)

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