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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says my views on lesbian relationships? Preferably in HD.
←Rate | 07-01-2015 23:13 Comments (0)


X Her wedding day means no more sucking, shaving or starving!
←Rate | 07-01-2015 22:38 Comments (0)


X says She said: You're certainly not the man I married. He said: Yeah. He had a much younger wife.
←Rate | 07-01-2015 22:11 Comments (0)


X says She said: "I miss the old you." I know that she meant the young me
←Rate | 07-01-2015 21:31 by jitney Comments (0)




X says I love the surprised look on a woman's face when I tell her that she drew her eyebrows too high.
←Rate | 07-01-2015 21:30 by jitney Comments (0)


X says people wonder how the hardware store knows who's g ay & who isnt....you know when they ask for a screw, 2 nuts, & a washer at the end then they drop their pants
←Rate | 07-01-2015 18:55 by Eddy Comments (0)


X says My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard & earned an online college degree from the University of Phoenix.
←Rate | 07-01-2015 15:16 Comments (0)


X says Remember, your neighbours aren't going to be attacked by killer bees on their own. You have to want it. You need to make it happen.
←Rate | 07-01-2015 14:52 Comments (0)


X says I never thought the thug life would involve so many bills.
←Rate | 07-01-2015 14:48 Comments (0)


X says On Canada Day you are allowed to kiss a beaver; and Parks Canada can't do nothing about it ... it's in the constitution.
←Rate | 07-01-2015 14:21 Comments (0)


X says I'm really starting to get along with this guy my wife turned me into.
←Rate | 07-01-2015 10:48 Comments (0)


X says I wonder what America's bald-headed eagle could do to Canada's beaver?
←Rate | 07-01-2015 10:40 Comments (0)


X Exactly how is that Tennessee Hardware shop owner going to make that "NO G AYS ALLOWED!" sign work anyway? I mean how can he tell? Is there like a litmus test or some kind of g ay Deliverance hillbilly honor system we all don't know about?
←Rate | 07-01-2015 02:03 Comments (0)


X says Didn't wanna say how hot it was in my room last night but 2 hobbits came round and threw a ring in it
←Rate | 07-01-2015 01:18 Comments (0)


X says Women who say all men are dogs but still have sex with the same men should be arrested for bestiality since it’s illegal to have sex with animals like dogs.
←Rate | 07-01-2015 00:50 Comments (0)


X says I just met a girl, she is very pretty, super nice and her bike seat smells like strawberries
←Rate | 07-01-2015 00:08 Comments (0)


X A Tennessee Hardware shop has put up a sign that says "No Gays Allowed". His homophobia is readily explained by the other sign in his shop "Today's Special: 25 cents for 12 inch screws!"
←Rate | 06-30-2015 20:55 by JiffyPop Comments (0)


X says Ask SIri "What is zero divided by zero", and get ready for a laugh.
←Rate | 06-30-2015 19:45 by Brett S. Comments (0)


X Out voted 1-1 by my wife again....
←Rate | 06-30-2015 18:33 by snotty Comments (0)


X says Although extremely pretty, any kids I make will inherit a dangerous amount of gangsta and clumsiness from me... Which means if they ever do a drive-by they will most likely end up shooting themselves in the foot...
←Rate | 06-30-2015 17:32 by Bryan j brown Comments (0)

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