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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the "ABCs" in my head to remember which letter comes next.
←Rate | 09-22-2014 02:43 Comments (0)

X says NFL players are getting kind of soft. I've seen harder hits in an elevator
←Rate | 09-21-2014 15:31 Comments (0)

X says Not to victim-blame, but maybe Bruce Wayne’s father shouldn’t have brought his wife and 8 yr old son to a place called Crime Alley.
←Rate | 09-21-2014 13:37 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)

X says Some call it alcoholism, I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated"
←Rate | 09-21-2014 10:00 Comments (0)

X says I had walked a mile in your shoes before I realized that we don't wear the same size.
←Rate | 09-21-2014 01:21 Comments (0)

X says After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
←Rate | 09-21-2014 01:02 Comments (0)

X says new rule....everyone given a "life sentence" by a judge has to start racing of them will die fast
←Rate | 09-20-2014 23:35 by Eddy Comments (0)

X was waxing on and waxing off I still dont know karate
←Rate | 09-20-2014 22:27 by karol Comments (0)

X says went looking for camouflage underwear today.....couldn't find any
←Rate | 09-20-2014 21:40 by Eddy Comments (0)

X Dear Sir, I am writing this with a heavy heart.... * Sorry it's so hard to read, I should really find a pen
←Rate | 09-20-2014 14:32 by snotty Comments (0)

X * Noah loading ark,,, "cows? check,,, goats? check",,, *llama walks up,,, " I already have llamas."... "Umm, I'm an Alpaca?".... "O.K.,, Wahatever"
←Rate | 09-20-2014 14:30 by snotty Comments (0)

X I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve visited Chernobyl… it’s 14
←Rate | 09-20-2014 14:23 by snotty Comments (0)

X "NFL gives ISIS only a two game suspension.".... Hmmmm..
←Rate | 09-20-2014 14:22 by snotty Comments (0)

X says Every yawn is a potential blowjob if you're fast enough.
←Rate | 09-20-2014 13:13 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says I bought a new dildo recently And let's just say my eyes were bigger than my vagina
←Rate | 09-20-2014 13:07 by KAREN Comments (0)

X says Girls adore it when you guess their weight as they walk by.
←Rate | 09-20-2014 13:05 Comments (0)

X says You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.
←Rate | 09-20-2014 12:58 Comments (0)

X says My signature move is giving a guy a roofie after sex so he has to spend the night with me.
←Rate | 09-20-2014 12:51 by KAREN Comments (0)

X says I always confuse dessert and desert and I think I might've just buried a hooker in a lemon meringue pie.
←Rate | 09-20-2014 12:50 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)

X says It doesn't count as a "drug deal" if they charge full price.
←Rate | 09-20-2014 12:49 Comments (0)


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