Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says Catch me masturbating once, shame on me. Catch me masturbating twice… I’ll ask YOU what YOU’RE doing in the office on a Sunday, Susan.
X says My ex posted a pic captioned, "Just me" and I commented, "Yes just you and your 7 personalities" Now I am deleted and blocked.
X says To my unborn children,relax dad is still trying to figure out the best mum for you.You will not suck a TATOOed breast I promise you
X says I only wish google could answer things like "what's the name of the lady seated next to me"
X says Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other,it's given me another reason to stare.
X says The Economist has calculated that the world is 52 trillion dollars in debt. Who on earth does the world owe? Jupiter?!!
X says I smoke weed because smoking mother-fcukers is a felony.
X says I feel like I'm currently in hell's waiting room.
X I can't tell them apart, was that Milli or Vanilli doing the sign language at Madela's funeral?
X says Why do women like hockey more than men? Because it looks so much like vacuuming!
X says I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster
X says The snooze button, because there's nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
X says I always knew those people signing at major events were just fakes!!!
X Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.
X Anyone can sell things people eat. The Bay leaf salesman is a true salesman!!
X Bit Strips. A step up in the minds of those who normally post that they're going to Wal-Mart.
X America, where mediocrity reigns supreme. How else do you explain "our" love affair with The Kardashians, Family Guy, and Dr. Oz?
X Do you have that one family member that keeps you away from your other family?
X says MTV has named Miley Cyrus the best artist of 2013. Kinda fitting I guess, since MTV has no idea what music is anymore...
X says The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.