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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says When does the rioting start in Memphis? Oh wait black guy killed a white cop. Nevermind
←Rate | 08-02-2015 22:34 Comments (0)

X you know what's drunk?? i'm awesome...
←Rate | 08-02-2015 17:27 by Steve OH Comments (0)

X says Ronda Rousey told me if I didn't marry her, she's going to kick my a$$. . .
←Rate | 08-02-2015 17:25 by JAB Comments (0)

X says Dear Hospital this chicken broth would be much better if it had noodles, corn and chicken in it.
←Rate | 08-02-2015 13:36 Comments (0)

X says I'm sorry that she likes me better, bro. She says I remind her of her childhood horse. Good day, sir.
←Rate | 08-02-2015 08:51 by Doc Noland Comments (0)

X says Happy Friendship day.. is much like.. Happy Friendzone day!
←Rate | 08-01-2015 22:57 Comments (0)

X There's a dentist in Minnesota that kills lions and bears. There's a football team in Minnesota that can't beat lions or bears.
←Rate | 08-01-2015 21:28 Comments (0)

X says Soccer is just like my sex life. Long periods of time with no action followed by pure shock & surprise by all parties involved when I score.
←Rate | 08-01-2015 19:50 by StonerDudee Comments (0)

X When an old lady dies and then her husband dies a couple of weeks later, it isn't because his heart is broken. It's because he can't cook.
←Rate | 08-01-2015 19:16 by snotty Comments (0)

X If you sit on your hand till it falls asleep and then like your own jokes,, it feels like someone else is doing it.
←Rate | 08-01-2015 17:53 by snotty Comments (0)

X (ordering cake on the phone)... BAKERY: And what would you like the cake to say?... (holds hand over phone)... Honey, did we want a talking cake???
←Rate | 08-01-2015 16:58 by snotty Comments (0)

X says I peed on my sisters FIRST RESPONSE pregnancy tester last night ..says I'm still a Virgin..
←Rate | 08-01-2015 12:44 Comments (0)

X says Yes I'm still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
←Rate | 08-01-2015 12:19 Comments (0)

X says It's okay password, I'm insecure too.
←Rate | 08-01-2015 11:55 Comments (0)

X I haven't heard a single zebra complain about that lion getting shot.
←Rate | 08-01-2015 11:10 Comments (0)

X says it too late to say hakuna matata to that lion?
←Rate | 08-01-2015 10:18 by Doc Noland Comments (0)

X I just sneezed while taking a piss and now I have to move.
←Rate | 08-01-2015 08:49 Comments (0)

X says You guys ever YOLO so hard your Hyundai gets repossessed?
←Rate | 08-01-2015 07:43 Comments (0)

X says I seriously hate it when a couple starts having an argument in front of you. They could have least waited until I got dressed and left.
←Rate | 07-31-2015 23:40 by StonerDudee Comments (0)

X The Detroit Lions have been getting killed for years and no one is protesting!!
←Rate | 07-31-2015 17:59 Comments (0)


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