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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says I'm so looking forward to Halloween! Wonder if I'll see any costumes as scary as Renee Zellweger's new face...
←Rate | 10-21-2014 22:25 by JustCuz Comments (0)

X says As of today, Starbucks will allow their employees to display tattoos and ear gauges. Those are the round plugs that some people put in their ear lobe to let the world know their dads never played catch with them...
←Rate | 10-21-2014 21:10 by Mark M Comments (0)

X says One, two Freddys coming for you. Three, four better lock your door. Five, six grab your crucifix. Seven, eight gonna stay up late. Nine, ten, never sleep again...
←Rate | 10-21-2014 20:46 by @RaWrAsOrUs Comments (0)

X says spoon + fork = spork whisk + knife = wife ....they can stir things up & kill you
←Rate | 10-21-2014 20:10 by Eddy Comments (0)

X says GO ROYALS!!
←Rate | 10-21-2014 19:51 Comments (0)

X says I've finally tried Turkish was good, but not "betray my family to the White Witch" good....
←Rate | 10-21-2014 17:03 by Timmy Comments (0)

X says My daughter has just taken two black guys up to her bedroom to study together. From the sounds of it they're getting every revision question right.
←Rate | 10-21-2014 14:47 by StonerDudee Comments (0)

X says I always walk around with a megaphone. If Facebook breaks I need to be able to tell everyone that I've had dinner.
←Rate | 10-21-2014 14:45 by StonerDudee Comments (0)

X says You know you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
←Rate | 10-21-2014 14:41 by StonerDudee Comments (0)

X says Why can't the ice cream man just get a fu*kin liquor license already
←Rate | 10-21-2014 14:39 by StonerDudee Comments (0)

X says Nothing says "I've already given up on this day" quite like a Taco Bell breakfast.
←Rate | 10-21-2014 14:38 by StonerDudee Comments (0)

X says I bet Tom is mad at Zuckerberg. He stole MySpace's idea and made billions!
←Rate | 10-21-2014 14:32 Comments (0)

X Remember guys, if your wife or girlfriend gives great head...she learned it somewhere.
←Rate | 10-21-2014 10:23 Comments (0)

X So Oscar Pistorius got 5 years. I knew he didn't have a leg to stand on.
←Rate | 10-21-2014 09:42 Comments (0)

X says Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
←Rate | 10-21-2014 09:39 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)

X says Don't mix V iagra with Iron Supplements. It will cause you to spin around and point north.
←Rate | 10-21-2014 08:22 Comments (0)

X says Calm down, different flavored Oreos. Nobody wants to make that kind of decision. Regular or Double stuff was hard enough.
←Rate | 10-21-2014 05:35 by andrew jackson Comments (0)

X says Oscar de la Rental, you'll be missed...said no one ever
←Rate | 10-20-2014 22:38 Comments (0)

X In Finland when a baby is born you just throw a bunch of magnetic letters at the fridge and that's its name.
←Rate | 10-20-2014 21:10 by Bobo the Chimp Comments (0)

X says Not sure of what I fear more, getting the stomach flu, or watching another mud smearing political commercial. Funny how both those things involve nausea and vomiting.
←Rate | 10-20-2014 19:57 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)


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