Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X says I'm so looking forward to Halloween! Wonder if I'll see any costumes as scary as Renee Zellweger's new face...
X says As of today, Starbucks will allow their employees to display tattoos and ear gauges. Those are the round plugs that some people put in their ear lobe to let the world know their dads never played catch with them...
X says One, two Freddys coming for you. Three, four better lock your door. Five, six grab your crucifix. Seven, eight gonna stay up late. Nine, ten, never sleep again...
X says spoon + fork = spork whisk + knife = wife ....they can stir things up & kill you
X says GO ROYALS!!
X says I've finally tried Turkish Delight...it was good, but not "betray my family to the White Witch" good....
X says My daughter has just taken two black guys up to her bedroom to study together. From the sounds of it they're getting every revision question right.
X says I always walk around with a megaphone. If Facebook breaks I need to be able to tell everyone that I've had dinner.
X says You know you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
X says Why can't the ice cream man just get a fu*kin liquor license already
X says Nothing says "I've already given up on this day" quite like a Taco Bell breakfast.
X says I bet Tom is mad at Zuckerberg. He stole MySpace's idea and made billions!
X Remember guys, if your wife or girlfriend gives great head...she learned it somewhere.
X So Oscar Pistorius got 5 years. I knew he didn't have a leg to stand on.
X says Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
X says Don't mix V iagra with Iron Supplements. It will cause you to spin around and point north.
X says Calm down, different flavored Oreos. Nobody wants to make that kind of decision. Regular or Double stuff was hard enough.
X says Oscar de la Rental, you'll be missed...said no one ever
X In Finland when a baby is born you just throw a bunch of magnetic letters at the fridge and that's its name.
X says Not sure of what I fear more, getting the stomach flu, or watching another mud smearing political commercial. Funny how both those things involve nausea and vomiting.