Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or Whatsapp profile.

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   messageicon Hillary: "Donald you need to release your taxes" Donald: "I emailed them to you!"
←Rate | 09-28-2016 23:53 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon NEWS FLASH: Facebook will expand it's efforts to stop online hate speech,, *in other words, they will be shutting down until after the election
←Rate | 09-28-2016 21:08 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon All I'm saying is, would it have killed Star Wars to give the audience a peek at the Death Star cafeteria?
←Rate | 09-28-2016 20:19 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
←Rate | 09-28-2016 20:06 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon A new poll says 74 percent of Americans will hand out candy to trick-or-treaters. While the other 26 percent plan to spend three hours hiding in the living room with the lights out.
←Rate | 09-28-2016 16:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon she was only a wrestler's daughter but you should have seen her box.
←Rate | 09-28-2016 15:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Please stop thinking you can vote your way to equality in a nation stolen from its original owners. Wicked Barbarians are in charge here✌🏿️
←Rate | 09-28-2016 14:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon there is a room in hell where they play an endless loop of every time you told someone you loved them and they didn't say it back
←Rate | 09-28-2016 14:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What's the word for when someone goes 1-100km/h in 7.5 sec in a relationship only to jump out as you engage cruise control?
←Rate | 09-28-2016 13:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You whitee folk take a tip frum a brutha. Feed yo dog people food, never take em to da vet and they gonna live to be 20.
←Rate | 09-28-2016 12:23 by Kennel Ray Shun Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy 18th birthday Google. You can officially go to a titty bar G ( . ) ( . ) G L E👍
←Rate | 09-28-2016 10:37 by Joseph Robert Comments (1)  

   messageicon Voting for Trump or Hillary is like J*rking off with my left or right hand. Either way I'm f*cking myself
←Rate | 09-28-2016 10:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Does anyone know if Hillary seen her shadow last night? Trying to prepare for the winter. . .
←Rate | 09-27-2016 17:05 Comments (1)  

   messageicon That odd moment when, during the Presidential Debates, one of the candidates takes a moment to promote their book.
←Rate | 09-27-2016 17:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon After the debate last night and according to tradition we should have a long hard winter....Both Hillary and Donald saw their shadows.
←Rate | 09-27-2016 15:10 by Jerry Carter Comments (0)  

   messageicon It should be a rule that every political Facebook status or tweet should begin with - "First of all, I have absolutely no real idea what I'm talking about, this is just an uninformed opinion................."
←Rate | 09-27-2016 14:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hillary Clinton belongs in the White House. Donald Trump belongs on my show. - JERRY SPRINGER
←Rate | 09-27-2016 14:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon [backstage at presidential debate] AIDE: Mr. Trump needs his hair. CAT: I'm puking as fast as I can.
←Rate | 09-27-2016 14:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lester Holts patience was the real loser of the debate
←Rate | 09-27-2016 14:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lester Holts hairline was the real loser of the debate.
←Rate | 09-27-2016 13:53 by superpatriot Comments (0)  


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