Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says Daylight Savings is a German idea, circa 1895. I guess the world figured, "None of Germany's other Ideas has turned out bad, so why not?"
X My wife asked me if I knew her favorite flower was. Apparently "Gold Medal All Purpose" was not the correct response
X says I do marathons (on Netflix).
X If there ever is a Zombie Apocalypse I am heading straight for Costco ..they have Walls, Food and Supplies for Years and best of all... Zombies can't get in without a Costco Membership Card.
X says I hate seeing "I'm home alone" posts. It either means 1- Come Kidnap Me, or 2- Come F*ck My Thirsty A*s.
X In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
X says I've given up trying to kill you for lent, enjoy your life for the next 38 days.
X says a friend's kid accidentally stuck their cat in the dryer. my friend was all sad about it so I sung the sad song....soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur.....the song didn't help at all
X says wow I love how your face is 5 shades darker than your neck
X says I'm seriously going to become a marriage councelor and whenever couples come to me, my therapy would be making them both browse through a dating website for 30 minutes.
X says what did Micahel Jackson Love about twenty five year olds........there was 20 of em
X Hi, I'm the new Milkman,,,,,,,Would you like it in the front or back?
X says I assume people that unfollow/unfriend/delete/block me must have found Jesus.
X says I'd be much more attracted to you if you were much more attractive.
X says Spider-man has been unmasked in all his last 4 films. If I was him, I wouldn't even bother dressing up.
X says When someone throws a drink in my face I just open my mouth so we both win.
X says Girls have their phone nonstop. So if they don't text you back within 30 minutes, she ain't feeling you bro.
X says Why do girls associate their selfies with a deep yet irrelevant quote, I do not understand the correlation.
X says Watched girls gone wild last night...okay it was store security video during black Friday but still...
X says I'll be glad when the people on the funny side of the world wake up