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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says If I drove a UPS truck there's a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners
←Rate | 09-01-2014 06:42 by flinnie Comments (0)

X says was
←Rate | 09-01-2014 01:22 Comments (0)

X says Come on ‪#‎Chevy‬ just one commercial break without Kid Rock
←Rate | 08-31-2014 21:45 by flipphonescott Comments (0)

X If you think your job stinks, think about the kid that cleans the bathroom at Taco Bell
←Rate | 08-31-2014 21:41 by MWC Comments (0)

X says It's only a matter of time before "Security Cameras of Wal-mart" becomes a reality show.
←Rate | 08-31-2014 21:01 Comments (0)

X says If you think your job stinks, how would you like to be a member of the camera crew that has to follow the Kardashians 24/7.
←Rate | 08-31-2014 20:54 Comments (0)

X I thought I was wrong once but I was mistaken.
←Rate | 08-31-2014 20:22 by MWC Comments (0)

X If it's called Labor Day,why don't we work on labor day and have the rest of the year off?
←Rate | 08-31-2014 18:38 by MWC Comments (0)

X says If a woman doesn't like a man using a coupon on the first date, she should offer to pay.
←Rate | 08-31-2014 18:18 Comments (0)

X I have never in my life seen a Tattoo and said "wow, that looks classy" All a tattoo is, is a "LOOK AT ME" statement
←Rate | 08-31-2014 17:50 Comments (0)

X says If I'm ever in a coma, please don't try to wake me. I'm doing what I love.
←Rate | 08-31-2014 14:00 by Steve OH Comments (0)

X says Curling irons come with a warning label saying "For external use only." OK, now which of you sick women made that necessary?
←Rate | 08-31-2014 13:37 Comments (0)

X says If I'm ever on life support and just being kept alive machines, please unplug me and plug me back in. Basically, reboot my body.
←Rate | 08-31-2014 13:22 Comments (0)

X says YOLO. Because stupid people don't know what Carpe Diem means.
←Rate | 08-31-2014 13:15 Comments (0)

X says I said to the nurse "You're such a nice person. Will you come visit me when I'm out of the hospital?" She said "Well, I would except graveyards are such creepy places." FML.
←Rate | 08-31-2014 13:04 Comments (0)

X says "Second coat my ass! -Michelangelo, upon completing the Sistine Chapel job.
←Rate | 08-31-2014 13:01 Comments (0)

X says The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing us that there is soul mate out there for all of us. What if your soulmate existed at a different timeline, and you missed each other by 2 centuries?
←Rate | 08-31-2014 13:00 Comments (0)

X says And that attracts men who like a woman who doesn't spit. . .
←Rate | 08-31-2014 09:53 Comments (0)

X says 75% of women who smoke swallow. . .
←Rate | 08-31-2014 09:53 by JAB Comments (0)

X says You know what? Some countries used to SCREEN applicants who were applying for citizenship, and wouldn't allow those who had even the SLIGHTEST ties to extremist groups ENTRY into their lands.
←Rate | 08-31-2014 07:31 Comments (0)


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