Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X Wait?? The NSA's "Facial Recognition" software can pick a person out of a crowd but the vending maching at work can't recognize a dollar with a bent corner?
X I don't think you're supposed to use the pressure treated lumber to plank your BBQ salmon,,, but girl, your trailer looks nice
X says If Spiderman really got bit by an actual spider, how come he don't shoot webs out his butt like a real spider?
X says Kid: How come dinosaurs are extinct? Me: Because Noah put two gay dinosaurs on his ark.
X says Because of people like Bruce Jenner, we will one day have a world where every child will feel safe to be exactly who they are without shame.
X says Bruce Jenner comes out as a transgender Republican and trolls on both sides suddenly don't know how to direct their hate.
X Listen,,, Anything can be cereal, if you have enough milk.
X says what if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside
X says [first date] her: so, tell me about yourself! me: well, I'm not good with dates her: but you're doing fine! me: christmas is on september 3rd
X says Listen buddy I don't come down to the Being A Stupid Piece Of Sh*t Factory and tell you how to do your job
X says Sometimes I can't tell if I'm being funny or if I'm just unbelievably depressed
X says I hate when boxing announcers say a boxer is "down for the count." I don't care that he loves Dracula I just want to know who's winning.
X says [judge at restaurant] "I will try... the lobster" [2 hours later] "I find the lobster guilty of money laundering and embezzlement"
X says Kock brothers just donated $450K to Waka Flacka Flame. They're hoping he's the Dem presidential nominee. Him running would be the only chance that a con would have to win
X says Bruce Jenner? Never heard of her...
X says i only have 1 question for Bruce Jenner. after he becomes woman, will he change his name to "Jenny Brucer" ?
X says My Southern neighbor died this morning. We don't know what "kilt" him and we're trying to find a "pitcher" of him so we can put it in the obits..
X says If you say "bae" three times while looking in a mirror you get moved to the front of the line at Starbucks.
X says My favorite sex position is the "WOW". Its when I flip your "MOM" over.
X says Ommpa Loompa Doopity Do. Fake tanning lotion ain't working for you.