thejoke.cafe Funny Status Messages
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After dating for 2 months she wanted to meet my parents. I said baby chill...I waited 9 months to meet my own.
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Trump and Hillary are on the same plane. Plane crashes, who survives? America
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Hillary Clinton should be the first f-president. I was going to say female but somebody deleted the 'emale'.
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if Trump can't keep people from climbing his tower, how is he going to keep them from climbing his wall?
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I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?
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Next time a woman tries to defend her insane weight gain with, “Well, I’ve had two children.” Reply with, what? for Breakfast?”
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My dad told me that my great grandfather knew the exact hour of the exact day of the exact year he was going to die. I said, “that’s amazing how the hell did he know all that?” My dad replied, “the judge told him.”
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My girlfriend dumped me last week right after I broke my wrist. Just when I needed her the most.
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Sex with someone that doesn’t want to is rape. I thought that was marriage?
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Donald Trump is starting a petition to stop the sale of pre-shredded cheese. He’s very serious about trying to make the USA grate again.
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My wife threatened to leave me if I didn’t stop with the endless flamingo impressions. So I had to put my foot down.
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I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”
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Women are natural born artists …….. From drawing eyebrows to drawing conclusions .
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My girlfriend was complaining that I never buy her flowers. I didn’t even know she sold them.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants? Because E.T. eventually went home!
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I’m just a social drinker. Every time someone says, “I’ll have a drink”, I say, “Social I.”
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I can’t walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol.
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If you rearrange the letters in the words Faith and Religion, you can make “Microwave.” No, don’t test it or question it, just believe me.
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Kim Kardashian held at gunpoint and made to put her clothes back on.
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It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most …
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