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   messageicon After dating for 2 months she wanted to meet my parents. I said baby chill...I waited 9 months to meet my own.
←Rate | 08-02-2016 07:40 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trump and Hillary are on the same plane. Plane crashes, who survives? America
←Rate | 08-03-2016 10:55 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hillary Clinton should be the first f-president. I was going to say female but somebody deleted the 'emale'.
←Rate | 08-03-2016 10:57 by Comments (1)  

   messageicon if Trump can't keep people from climbing his tower, how is he going to keep them from climbing his wall?
←Rate | 08-11-2016 02:37 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?
←Rate | 09-12-2016 08:25 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon Next time a woman tries to defend her insane weight gain with, “Well, I’ve had two children.” Reply with, what? for Breakfast?”
←Rate | 09-12-2016 08:26 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon My dad told me that my great grandfather knew the exact hour of the exact day of the exact year he was going to die. I said, “that’s amazing how the hell did he know all that?” My dad replied, “the judge told him.”
←Rate | 09-12-2016 08:26 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon My girlfriend dumped me last week right after I broke my wrist. Just when I needed her the most.
←Rate | 09-12-2016 08:27 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sex with someone that doesn’t want to is rape. I thought that was marriage?
←Rate | 09-12-2016 08:28 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon Donald Trump is starting a petition to stop the sale of pre-shredded cheese. He’s very serious about trying to make the USA grate again.
←Rate | 09-14-2016 12:14 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife threatened to leave me if I didn’t stop with the endless flamingo impressions. So I had to put my foot down.
←Rate | 09-14-2016 12:15 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”
←Rate | 09-14-2016 12:15 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon Women are natural born artists …….. From drawing eyebrows to drawing conclusions .
←Rate | 09-15-2016 11:35 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon My girlfriend was complaining that I never buy her flowers. I didn’t even know she sold them.
←Rate | 09-15-2016 11:35 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants? Because E.T. eventually went home!
←Rate | 09-17-2016 10:00 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m just a social drinker. Every time someone says, “I’ll have a drink”, I say, “Social I.”
←Rate | 09-20-2016 07:26 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can’t walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol.
←Rate | 09-23-2016 09:48 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you rearrange the letters in the words Faith and Religion, you can make “Microwave.” No, don’t test it or question it, just believe me.
←Rate | 09-26-2016 12:02 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kim Kardashian held at gunpoint and made to put her clothes back on.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 14:15 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most …
←Rate | 10-03-2016 14:16 by Comments (0)  


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