pimpjuice Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I gonna have to find me a partner...I'm as hard as woodpecker lips
←Rate | 07-26-2013 10:49 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have got to stop wearing my sunglasses when I go out on the boat, I'm starting to look like a raccoon
←Rate | 07-28-2013 11:56 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon NEVER mix internet p0rn and mountain dew. Trust me on this one
←Rate | 07-30-2013 11:08 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm an experienced drunk texter/facebooker. I keep my mouth shut
←Rate | 07-30-2013 22:50 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon I used to flip a "lucky" around in my cigarette pack. Until I realized it's the only cigarette I get drunk and light backwards.
←Rate | 08-07-2013 10:13 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon I must be amazing at chatting online; everytime I talk to a girl I leave her speechless.
←Rate | 08-10-2013 10:39 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon gang related violence has went up 50 percent in my house since I took the kids play station from them
←Rate | 08-14-2013 23:01 by pimpjuice Comments (1)  


   messageicon the lucky is the only cigarette in the pacK that I get drunk and light backwards
←Rate | 10-08-2013 17:35 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had 'that talk' with my son last night. The one about drugs. You know, the one where I tell him I smoke pot
←Rate | 10-28-2013 11:24 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon A costume and matching shoes later, my child owes me about $50 worth of candy..
←Rate | 10-28-2013 21:29 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon I will just take one bong hit with breakfast, chill out for a while, then get some things done. Aaaand I'm not getting off of the couch today.
←Rate | 10-31-2013 08:59 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon free candy and football. my kinda Thursday
←Rate | 10-31-2013 16:18 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon someone needs to tell Wyclef he can come back now.
←Rate | 11-01-2013 07:57 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon pumpkin for sale, slightly used
←Rate | 11-02-2013 22:01 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon election day? I'll vote for anyone that will make it legal to beat my kids
←Rate | 11-05-2013 21:25 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon my wife ran off with my best friend. I sure miss him
←Rate | 11-09-2013 10:55 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon funny jokes must be a Monday thru Friday job. zzzz
←Rate | 11-09-2013 12:17 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tip: make your woman feel beautiful, but not so beautiful that she thinks she can do better.
←Rate | 11-09-2013 12:26 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fish tanks are supposed to be soothing? My fish have seen me naked! I think my fish need a fish tank in their fish tank.
←Rate | 11-11-2013 07:02 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been single so long I deserve a bachelors degree
←Rate | 11-12-2013 09:08 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


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