manbearpig Funny Status Messages

   kinda likes ceilings. Maybe I'll become a fan.

   thinks that time flies when you're having a drunken blackout.

   contemplating becoming schizophrenic, but is in two minds about it.

   How come when you open a can of evaporated milk, it's still there?

   if someone sends me one more Farmville invite, I will banish your animals to a galaxy far, far away and set fire to your crops.

   If your phone doesn't ring, you'll know it's me.

   as confused as a hungry infant in a topless bar.

   Don't look at me in that tone of voice!

   thinks there should be a Facebook button that says "I liked your status until every man and his dog decided to comment on it".

   cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

   a humble person, really. I'm actually much greater than I think I am.

   always wanted to be somebody. Now she realises that she should have been more specific.

   has often thought that what doesn't kill us makes us drink stronger liquor

   not remotely sober. Nor am I sober up close.

   feeling politely confrontational this evening. Would anyone care for a piece of me?

   fed up with all the emails I keep getting on how to enlarge my penis, particularly since I'm a woman...so I've forwarded them to my ex.

   thinks if you have a chip on your shoulder, you're missing your mouth.

   ...it's not you, it's me. I don't like you

   just two away from a threesome

   was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger...and then it hit me