Scottyp Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I just got home from the convenience store where I saw two homeless people making out. It was gross so I was about to yell "Get a Room", luckily I caught myself just in time
←Rate | 01-07-2011 01:03 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let my friends talk me into smokin "chronic" for the first time last night but I prob. should've skipped my Ambien dose. Apparently, I started and completed my first book.."101 Ways to Prepare Succulent Penguin"...I didn't even know you could eat Penguin
←Rate | 01-07-2011 20:51 by scottyp Comments (1)  


   messageicon I just pulled up beside a police car on the highway and waved frantically for him to pull off to the side. When he did, I walked up slowly to his window and said, "Do you know why I pulled you over today, sir?" He didn't find it as amusing as me.......
←Rate | 01-08-2011 18:10 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm getting pretty damn close to "country music" drunk......
←Rate | 01-08-2011 21:52 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm just sitting here thinking of all the absolutely incredible things that I could accomplish this year. That is, of course, if I gave a sh/t....
←Rate | 01-08-2011 22:22 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just had to ask myself, "What would a competent person do in this situation?"
←Rate | 01-11-2011 14:09 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always mean what I say, but I don't always mean to say it out loud..
←Rate | 01-11-2011 16:44 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon If someone describes something as "better than sex", I know their either lying or extremely sheltered
←Rate | 01-11-2011 17:12 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I might not be a great example, but I'm one hell of a good warning....
←Rate | 01-12-2011 11:13 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bad decisions always make for really good stories........and I always seem to have a LOT of really good stories....
←Rate | 01-18-2011 08:54 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I'm half Welsh and half Hungarian, I wonder if that makes me Well-Hung
←Rate | 01-20-2011 11:18 by scottyp Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'm trying to learn yoga.....I'm pretty sure that I have the "Moron lying on his ass" move perfected
←Rate | 01-20-2011 19:33 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would like to wish a very Merry Christmas to all of my Polish friends..
←Rate | 01-22-2011 11:03 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon categorically denies all allegations......Next question
←Rate | 01-22-2011 13:35 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was planning on procastinating today but I think I'm going to put that off until next week as well
←Rate | 01-23-2011 13:56 by scottyp Comments (1)  


   messageicon My 4 year old is going through a phase where he screams out what he is about to do before he does it. I had to explain to him that only adults on social networking sites were allowed to do that....
←Rate | 01-24-2011 13:43 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: Cheese factory explodes---nothing left but de Brie
←Rate | 01-24-2011 18:48 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I agree that some people might have been dropped on their head as a baby....but some people were clearly thrown against a wall
←Rate | 01-24-2011 23:45 by scottyp Comments (1)  


   messageicon Dear Mr. Pinto Bean, I'm very sorry I ate you and a couple of hundred of your friends, but there is no need for you to panic and plot your escape.....
←Rate | 01-25-2011 07:32 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I could get 3 dollars plus a gallon for MY gas....I mean, it seems to be pretty high octane...........
←Rate | 01-25-2011 20:52 by scottyp Comments (0)  



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