Mark Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon played golf today...I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying...
←Rate | 03-22-2009 22:53 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon doesn't have a microwave oven but he does have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff
←Rate | 03-26-2009 22:52 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon ever sat in the parking lot at walmart and honk at random people and watch their reaction? hahaha
←Rate | 06-06-2010 16:47 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder what a camel thinks of when he looks at his toe...
←Rate | 07-07-2010 20:32 by mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook now automatically scans your brain through your monitor. To block, go to your kitchen cabinet and remove the box of aluminum foil. Wrap foi laround your head, stay calm, and breathe through your left nostril. This is a serious problem. Copy & pas
←Rate | 08-31-2010 13:39 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon A friend asked me if I was enjoying my new mountainbike. I told him I was. He said, "Just be careful, you could sustain testicular damage from all that riding." I laughed, "Buddy, I'm a married man. I haven't had possesion of my testicles for over 16 year
←Rate | 09-13-2010 22:20 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know things are tough when my retirement plan consist of playing the lottery :(
←Rate | 09-29-2010 09:53 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon the only person in history to beat my niece at Wii tennis! Yes, I made her play left-handed, but I don't think that should lessen the significance of my victory.
←Rate | 12-26-2010 13:50 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife isn't speaking to me. All because I didn't open the car door for her. I guess I just panicked and swam to the surface.
←Rate | 02-26-2011 20:42 by mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
←Rate | 03-26-2011 17:29 by mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear attractive teenage grocery checkout girl, please don't judge me for buying 3 cucumbers, 1 light bulb, a jar of jelly and 2 tubes of KY.
←Rate | 04-05-2011 13:14 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon Breaking News: U.S. Terror Alert Level is now raised to “Confetti”
←Rate | 05-02-2011 12:18 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon Rapture "I'm going out the way I came in, without pants.
←Rate | 05-19-2011 07:02 by mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
←Rate | 07-21-2011 08:49 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon According to a recent survey just released this week, one-third of all mall Santa Claus' have had a child urinate in their lap. Even worse, the other two-thirds have urinated in their own laps.
←Rate | 12-01-2011 16:14 by mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook should have a limit on how many times you change ure relationship status, after 3 in a year it should auto-default to "unstable"
←Rate | 12-05-2011 17:31 by mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon I always chase joggers with my car to motivate them. It's a thankless job....
←Rate | 12-09-2011 21:25 by mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon I thought I'd join the neighbor hood watch but my neighbors aren't that attractive..
←Rate | 12-10-2011 06:42 by mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon I need you guys to vouch for me. I accidentally spelled Satan instead of Santa in Christmas lights and my neighbors house and now they are convinced that my star of Bethlehem is a pentagram......:/
←Rate | 12-12-2011 16:03 by mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tim Tebow is the most talked about white Bronco since the O.J. chase.
←Rate | 12-13-2011 16:53 by mark Comments (0)  


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