Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
←Rate | 06-28-2009 03:37 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standard
←Rate | 07-20-2009 15:16 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield. 3.14159265 dead.
←Rate | 08-24-2009 15:35 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?
←Rate | 08-25-2009 14:53 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon My hamster died today He fell asleep at the wheel.
←Rate | 09-01-2009 17:55 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many of the Lost cast does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but it will take 20 episodes.
←Rate | 09-02-2009 14:44 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.
←Rate | 09-05-2009 05:28 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Pringles, Now that I am no longer a child, I cannot fit my hand inside your tube of deliciousness. Work on that.
←Rate | 09-05-2009 08:25 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know about you, but I'm sick of seeing disabled people being pushed around...
←Rate | 09-12-2009 15:27 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon wants money for nothing and the chicks for free.
←Rate | 09-15-2009 02:27 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two guys came knocking at my door once and said: "We want to talk to you about Jesus." I said: "Oh, no, what's he done now?"
←Rate | 09-26-2009 11:50 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon .. lost my mood ring, I don't know how I feel about this.
←Rate | 10-03-2009 12:34 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always give 100% at work:13% Monday 22% Tuesday 26% Wednesday
←Rate | 10-05-2009 02:22 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I drew a gun. He drew a gun. I drew another gun. Soon we were surrounded by lovely drawings of guns.
←Rate | 10-08-2009 14:48 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon how come no matter how prepared you are for your toast popping up you still get a shock?
←Rate | 10-08-2009 14:49 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I brush after every meal.And the Dentist says my hair looks lovely.
←Rate | 10-08-2009 14:51 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..hates her internal clock. It doesn't have a snooze button and it hurts to throw herself across the room..
←Rate | 10-12-2009 02:35 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon knows the difference between a straight girl and a lesbian. About a bottle and a half of wine.
←Rate | 10-13-2009 15:58 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
←Rate | 10-15-2009 06:53 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
←Rate | 10-15-2009 06:54 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


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