Jeffafa Funny Status Messages

   I LOVE putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They're so warm and cozy! I HATE when the lady in the laundromat tries to take them back! :(

   it just me or are Dating sites costing more than a date now? I just want to go back to the day of throwing a rock and dragging her off her feet.

   We have a new Pope! I'm just waiting for Kanye West to jump out on the balcony and interrupt!

   Now would be the best time for the Pope to make a Harlem Shake Video!

   Well 30min work-out along with some new Tae Kwon Do moves -CHECK! And just to think that was just trying to get the snow off my tires...

   Would it be wrong of me to ask my Priest to install Wi-Fi in our Church?

   "All guys are the same!" Well you should know, You tried them all!!

   Nothing is better than watching a woman getting in touch with herself. Especially if she lets me watch

   Remember that Ex that we all thought we’d never get over? What's her name again?

   To all the Moms: "Happy Mothers Day"! And to all the Dads: "Happy Sunday.. Mother Fu€Kers"!!

   I went to a club and they played “The Twist”, I did the twist. They played “Jump”, I jumped. They played “Come on Eileen”…well, I got kicked out for that one.

   I want to start a new liquor company and call it "Responsibly". Free advertising since all liquor companies advise you to drink it, and you don't need to feel guilt because you're drinking Responsibly!

   My new pick-up line: "I have a full tank of gas!"

   I'm looking for a retractable leash. I hate when my pet turtle gets ahead of me when I go for a run.

   There’s a thin line between “I should do a joke about that” and “I should talk to my therapist about that”

   If I ever caught a robber in my house looking for money, I'd start laughing and start searching with him.

   I just put Cheez-Wiz on a Cheez-It......... Like a Boss!

   I think homeless people would have more money for food if they didn't spend it all on black markers, cardboard signs and collection cups.....

   I just found an old box of condoms in my dresser, than I noticed the "use by" date....... As if I'm not under enough pressure! It's been a slow year.

   It has been a over year since I've been with women.... I think I need to start collecting cats?