Truman Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Planning a trip to Australia..I was asked if I had a criminal record?..I didn't know you still needed one?
←Rate | 06-22-2018 08:35 by Truman Comments (2)  


   messageicon To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you're happy now!!!
←Rate | 07-30-2018 19:28 by Truman Comments (3)  


   messageicon I read this article earlier..that said.."cows have four stomachs"...and I wondered if anyone had checked this?..because it sounds like the sort of thing a cow would come out with to get more food?
←Rate | 09-12-2018 20:39 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does rocking a vending machine count as exercise?
←Rate | 09-17-2018 13:00 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when I click on a porn video and I can see myself in the screen while it's loading?
←Rate | 06-19-2018 07:46 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when I'm singing and people join in. B*tch, this aint glee.
←Rate | 03-07-2013 06:43 by truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the B in LGTB stands for Bi doesn't that mean there are only two genders?
←Rate | 09-15-2018 20:04 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bigfoot saw me yesterday but no one believes him!
←Rate | 09-14-2018 19:09 by Truman Comments (2)  


   messageicon My Girlfriend said she's leaving in the morning because of my "Wham" obsession! I replied... "wake me up before you go go"
←Rate | 09-15-2018 16:00 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: "So he was medium build, grey hair, grey eyes, grey tie, a grey suit and grey shoes?" DOG: "Correct"
←Rate | 09-15-2018 08:01 by Truman Comments (2)  


   messageicon Thankyou, slow walking family in front of me on the foothpath, No please, take your time.... and definately spread out, so you create a barricade of idiots.
←Rate | 01-15-2014 19:44 by Truman Comments (1)  


   messageicon if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, then have we found the perfect location for a nickelback concert
←Rate | 02-08-2013 06:15 by truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"
←Rate | 07-05-2017 06:41 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear lord thankyou for these noodles i'm about to eat, ramen
←Rate | 02-07-2013 20:06 by truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Million dollar idea: Chocolate Nerds called Urkels.
←Rate | 02-13-2013 20:26 by truman Comments (1)  


   messageicon My wife brought home a tub of ice-cream and asked if I wanted some. "How hard is it?" I asked. She cheekily replied, "As hard as you when you're thinking about me naked!". I said "Go on then, pour me a glass."
←Rate | 09-06-2018 01:21 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved winning 7 Tour De France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike.
←Rate | 03-19-2013 23:12 by truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's not so much that I love karate as that I hate wooden - planks!
←Rate | 09-14-2018 10:27 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Korean scientists have announced that have successfully cloned two Macaques! It's impossible to tell them apart..said one of the monkeys!!
←Rate | 06-20-2018 16:01 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry to announce my pet mouse 'Elvis' has just died!..he was caught in a trap!
←Rate | 09-15-2018 19:26 by Truman Comments (0)  

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