Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon It is in everyone’s best interest to just keep scrolling
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not leaving here without some kind of balloon.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If someone tells you you can’t do something, ignore them. That’s how people trick you into doing things.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 03:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So many accidents with Hillary. I'm not even sure she still alive, maybe they're just dragging her body like in Weekend at Bernie's
←Rate | 03-16-2018 14:28 by David Comments (0)  

   messageicon How did human beings express empathy before the phrase "that sucks" was coined?
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am very patient with people because I don’t interact with any.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I didn't change my clocks because I decided to relive the past. There are so many things I'm going to do differently this time.
←Rate | 03-11-2018 17:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hold my jean jacket. Someone just insulted Savage Garden.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:40 by @kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I STILL remember grandpa's last words to me. Lighting a match next to the gas pump, he said, "What's this warning label say?"
←Rate | 03-16-2018 17:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth.. She was down to the final four.
←Rate | 03-14-2018 07:30 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon SCIENCE FACT: All the lost hours from Daylight Savings get added to Betty White’s lifespan.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone know how Pink's parents are named? I am assuming Red and White.
←Rate | 03-06-2018 12:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think the golden rule for men should be, don’t say anything to a woman at work that you wouldn’t want another man to say to you in prison.
←Rate | 12-20-2017 05:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today’s hairstyle at Walmart is called, “And I didn’t brush my teeth either.”
←Rate | 02-17-2018 14:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happier than a Goth Girl being carried off by a flock of ravens.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 03:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 07:38 Comments (4)  

   messageicon There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.
←Rate | 12-20-2017 08:59 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Wildlife Fact: In the wild, otters can go for days without checking their phones
←Rate | 03-10-2018 09:35 Comments (0)  

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