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   messageicon Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done this year...
←Rate | 10-28-2020 02:17 by MrSharp Comments (0)  

   messageicon I take my ibuprofen wrapped in cheese cause why should my dog have all the fun?
←Rate | 10-28-2020 07:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you drop a cookie on the floor and bend down to pick it up does that count as a squat?
←Rate | 10-28-2020 12:54 by moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Waking up late is a great way to see which steps of your personal hygiene are really unnecessary.
←Rate | 10-28-2020 07:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The world would be a better place if we all got along like the “Price Is Right” audience.
←Rate | 10-28-2020 07:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am having a weird day, first I found a hat full of money, then I got chased by a guy with a guitar.
←Rate | 10-29-2020 09:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you ever notice how Smokey the Bear is always steering the conversation towards the subject of forest fires? Should we tell someone?
←Rate | 10-28-2020 07:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Me: I don’t know…this one has a great turning radius but the other one just looks better. Husband: For God’s sake, just grab the next available shopping cart!
←Rate | 10-28-2020 07:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I want to study goat psychology and write a book called, “Honey, I shrunk the kids.”
←Rate | 10-28-2020 07:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone else feel like Halloween is unnecessary this year? I mean I’ve been wearing a mask and eating candy for the last seven months. I don’t think I need a day dedicated to it anymore.
←Rate | 10-29-2020 09:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon By their early thirties, the average person has unsubscribed from more email lists than they have days left to live.
←Rate | 10-29-2020 07:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Told the guy at the polling station I was there for the Bon Jovi tickets. Without batting an eye he said, “Floor or mezzanine?”
←Rate | 10-29-2020 07:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I wake up at 4:30, I’ll have 2 uninterrupted hours to exercise, clean and make a healthy breakfast. *sets alarm for 6:30*
←Rate | 10-28-2020 07:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I say elections should be decided with an old fashioned game of dodge ball.
←Rate | 10-28-2020 07:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I once saw someone stare at the McDonald’s menu for 15 minutes before ordering just one cheeseburger with no cheese. So yes, I do believe there are still undecided voters
←Rate | 10-09-2020 08:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just spilled my protein shake all over myself and all I’m saying is a donut would never do this to me.
←Rate | 09-17-2020 07:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon As I recall, A large part of parenting is pretending you don’t smell anything weird
←Rate | 10-13-2020 07:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My gardening skills improved since the quarantine. I planted myself on the sofa in April and have grown bigger ever since...
←Rate | 06-14-2020 09:45 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon My body is the result of thousands of pull ups. Pull up to the donut shop Pull up to the drive thru window Pull up results for “nearest pizza buffet”
←Rate | 06-01-2020 12:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon the worst part of homeschooling is when my kid shoves me into a locker in front of all the cheerleaders
←Rate | 10-06-2020 08:40 Comments (0)  

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