Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I wouldn't do anything for a Klondike bar, but I would do some sketchy stuff for some coffee.
←Rate | 09-20-2018 23:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to a wedding last night and they played “The Twist” so I twisted, next they played “Jump around “ so I jumped around. Next they played “Come on Eileen “ I think you know where this is going.
←Rate | 09-21-2018 23:06 by Meh! Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dog is one of those trained to sniff drugs!..he's brilliant and can even roll up his own $20 bill.
←Rate | 09-21-2018 19:15 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lady, are you a Kardashian because I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
←Rate | 09-22-2018 17:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Crickets are really loud for something that gets eaten by everything
←Rate | 09-20-2018 12:42 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe the mattress stores could tell us when they are NOT having a sale
←Rate | 03-28-2018 22:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.
←Rate | 05-11-2018 22:31 by @thecatwhisperer Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do speed walkers look like kids who are told not to run around the pool?
←Rate | 06-03-2018 14:11 by Jsabbage Comments (0)  


   messageicon The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
←Rate | 07-24-2018 21:01 by BobbyT Comments (0)  


   messageicon it too much to hope that my good cholesterol will be a positive influence on my bad cholesterol.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It sucks being a grown up. Nobody tells you you did a good job when you eat all of your food.
←Rate | 09-17-2018 02:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spice things up in the bedroom by loosening the ceiling fan.
←Rate | 04-20-2018 01:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I might get a job cleaning mirrors,its a job I can see myself doing.
←Rate | 07-29-2018 20:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently it's inappropriate to show up at your therapist's home to swim in his new pool even though your "boundary issues" paid for it.
←Rate | 09-17-2018 07:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I refer to avocados a "Shrekticles" because, you know....
←Rate | 05-14-2018 12:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just swallowed a probiotic with a vodka tonic in case anyone is looking for a health coach.
←Rate | 06-12-2018 02:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In a galaxy 40 billion light years away some alien dude is saying, “but I’m not like the other guys,” while an alien lady rolls all 37 of her eyes.
←Rate | 07-08-2018 00:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does rocking a vending machine count as exercise?
←Rate | 09-17-2018 13:00 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.
←Rate | 12-20-2017 08:59 Comments (1)  


   messageicon People who read tabloids deserve to be lied to.
←Rate | 07-25-2018 21:12 Comments (2)  


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