Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   was driving past the woods today and saw a group of bird watchers, so I flipped them the bird.

   Woman laid in tomb may soon become mummy.

   vampires in twilight is pale white ,, how come laurent is black ??

   secretly replaced the Parmesan cheese shaker with a used Pedi-Egg.... will her guests be able to tell the difference?

   If I was an MMA fighter and had cauliflower ear, I'd seriously consider cutting my ears off.

   its Wednesday...How about a mercy hump?

   happy and he knows it...but refuses to clap his hands or stomp his feet.

   Carpe Edam - Sieze the Cheese

   out making some changes in hisher life...leave a message and I'll get back yo you. if I don't return your message your one of the changes!

   facebook the place where people change there profile picture more then they do there underwear

   FINALLY... I have a date for tomorrow .... and she is so smoking HOT .... she is my GAS RANGE..., coz I STILL have 2 GO 2 WORK AND COOK ON VALENTINES DAY!!!

   I just bumped into a guy wearing a camouflage jacket. I really didn't see him.

   wishing I could invade my neighbors farms and take over their land in Farmville.

   gonna stand outside, so when people ask where I am you can tell them "He's outstanding!"

   make sure you get all the bubbles out of the syringe....

   itunes wants more updates on a daily bases than a woman wants attention

   When people text or typ "ROTFLMFAO" do you really think they are rolling of the floor laughing? If so how are they typing that status?

   Cell phones are great but I wish people would select better ringtones than, "Ring, ding, dong, Ringer, Ringer, Ding, Ding, Dong..."WTF???

   I am a really nice guy. You know why? Because a woman stays in my mind, lives in my heart, and I've never asked her for the rent.

   what you would call an "Anit-Hero"