Funny Status Messages

   God didn't create man. Man created God. #TRUTH

   if my girl cheat on me she better cheat with 6 strong guys that can carry her casket

   The word 'Microsoft' makes me think of chubby midgets

   back for the first time

   hopes he can buy Billy Mays beard, that thang is magnificent!

   ♫ Oh the weather outside is weather.... ♫

   Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark

   Before that van starts a'rockin, make sure that c*ck's got a stockin'!

   The reason a man can walk around shirtless with his beer gut hanging out and still feel sexy is because we ARE sexy.

   ♫ ♪ ♫♫ He ain't Peyton. ♪ ♫ ♫ He's his Brother ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫

   Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape on backwards.'

   Good Lord that song " Red Solo Cup' is the dumbest song ever. I would have to kick my on a** if I wrote that song

   lady caca was way better when she was madonna

   Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

   not every flower can say love, but a rose does. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus does. Not every retard can read... but look at you go!/€

   When people ask What Would Jesus Do, I remember how he hid in that cave for 3 days after people were so mean to him. That's more my speed.

   trying to find out who's on first and what's on second?!?

   Jesus IS the son of God and God's not dead. Stop living a self absorbed life holding to the flaeed ever-changing religion of Science. it is time that you understand that you are not the one in control.

   Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.

   bartending at the Betty Ford Clinic