Mickey Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
←Rate | 01-10-2017 13:13 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
←Rate | 01-10-2017 13:12 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon So, have all you rocket scientists who were still shooting off fireworks at 4am get it out of your system till the 4th of July?
←Rate | 01-01-2017 12:17 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon My girl has the crabs, I suggested fishnet stockings.
←Rate | 12-27-2016 14:19 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anybody out there need some extra daylight? I've been saving a bunch of it since last Spring and I have way more than I need. I'm letting it go pretty cheap, so let me know if you're interested.
←Rate | 11-06-2016 06:39 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon A friend took Ambien to help her sleep. She had the side effect of doing things without realizing it. She ate an entire blueberry pie and didn't know it. Now I don't know about you, but if I eat an entire blueberry pie, I wanna know it.
←Rate | 09-23-2016 15:32 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're not my friend, click like then copy and paste this on your timeline. If we're truly friends, do nothing. I'd never insult your intelligence with such a ridiculous command.
←Rate | 08-04-2016 14:26 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon What's so bad about the Zika virus anyway? Some people like a little head.
←Rate | 08-01-2016 09:30 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I ordered 2 pizzas from Dominoes. The order taker was not amused when I asked her for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Total.
←Rate | 07-15-2016 09:59 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon A Rabbi asked me why we Catholics believe in Purgatory when there's no actual mention of it in the Bible. I told him it's the food. They serve both Angel Hair Pasta AND Devil's Food Chocolate Cake.
←Rate | 06-09-2016 11:19 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon My donations to the food driver are bittersweet. I give, but it's canned sliced beets and Beefaroni.
←Rate | 05-31-2016 12:41 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I become President, I'm going to change the name of the Rocky Mountains to the Smokey Mountains since weed is legal over there.
←Rate | 01-29-2016 09:18 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon The thing that disturbs me the most about social media,is when I see a woman from the high school days who didn't age very well, and I think to myself, "Man, I can't believe I zherked off to that."
←Rate | 12-17-2015 15:24 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gray Matter Matters
←Rate | 11-25-2015 13:46 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook Murphy's Law: Profile photo with two women. It's never the attractive one's timeline.
←Rate | 11-23-2015 15:19 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook allows me to reconnect with my old musician friends. I'm surprised at how many of them wound up living the American dream. They married women with steady incomes.
←Rate | 11-17-2015 12:47 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Of all days, who deletes someone on Mother's Day....just for that, I'm never talking to my mom again.
←Rate | 05-11-2014 09:50 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I had lunch today with a woman. Okay, so the woman was on a TV show eating at the same time I was. Okay, so the woman was Berta from Two and a Half Men.
←Rate | 04-19-2014 16:31 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Auto correct did me in. I've been seeing a girl who perspires a little when we have s-e-x. Hot. I typed, "Hi, sweety", and it changed it ti, "Hi, sweaty." Now she won't take my calls.
←Rate | 02-12-2014 10:52 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I never understand when people say that the Mona Lisa was Leonardo da Vinci's best work. He was pretty damned good in the Titanic if you ask me.
←Rate | 02-11-2014 09:09 by Mickey Comments (0)  

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