Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Did you guys hear about the Italian atheist? He doesn't believe in the God-father....

   finding the cure for hunger.

   Was up all night wondering where the sun had gone. Then it dawned on me

   The homeless guy with the golden voice was offered a job by the Cleveland Cavaliers.

   looking at a Justin Bieber pic and beating my stuff like it owed me money! She is hot

   thought he had a good tan... until he took a shower!

   A Lion Would Never Cheat on His Wife, But a Tiger Wood !!!

   Why the hell did you delete the celebrities getting more than soldiers you piece of sh*t?

   My friend has just started his own business manufacturing landmines that look like prayer mats. Apparently, prophets are going through the roof.

   Apple CEO just came out today. I guess this explains why iPhone 6 bends.

   The person who invented the online software for your parents to see your grades is a real douchebag and must be assassinated.

   Success woke me up, Motivation made me Breakfast, Destiny gave me my Agenda and the Lord gave me his Blessings:-)

   VMA recap: Lady GaGa came in as a man. Nicki Minaj came as Lady GaGa, and Jay-z came in Beyonce

   it is so cold outside, that even the guy at the gas station had a towel on his head!

   I saw a woman about to jump off a cliff. “You want to have sex first”, I said. She said, “no” so I said “OK, I’ll wait for you at the bottom!”

   I always assume girls who wear ponytails love sucking d*ck. (I assume the same about guys with ponytails as well)

   I expect Obama to name himself the new Pope soon.....

   I have been on hold for the past ten minutes!! If I ever find the guy who invented automated telephone systems, I'm going to give him a choice - Press 1 to be kicked in the nuts, Press 2 to burst into flames and die or Press 3 to go to hell.

   ....MMmmm Santa, I'm so naughty I'll turn your HO HO HO into OH OH OH!!

   "used to have superpowers, but hisher therapist took them away. "