Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'd really like to find the person that named the sensitive part of your elbow the "Funny Bone" and punch them in the face. See how funny they think that is.

   Kanye West leaned back in his chair, stroking his Persian cat. His scheme to become the biggest douche in the world was coming to fruition.

   i hate people who take drugs, customs and police for example

   I wish my car was more like KITT. Not for the crimefighting abilities, mind you, I'm just really lazy.

   Researchers have indicated that one anonymous sperm donor has fathered over 1200 children in the past 20 years...Unfortunately for him, he had to retire after he blew out his elbow! ツ

   In grade school I dreamed of having a supersized tree house and a flyable jetpack. now that I'm grown up all I want is 2 dancing Hamsters from the Kia Soul Commercial.

   Dear Facebook, I can't believe you still haven't gotten that dislike button. Sincerely, YouTube.

   Whenever I see the phrase "unforeseen circumstances", my brain ALWAYS reads "unforeskinned circumcision" instead. Just for that split second. I don't know why, it just does.

   Having kids is like a never-ending press conference: "No, you can't put the dog in the washer - next." "No, you can't really fly - next."

   I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

   To ALL Hillary supporters: You 3 should be ashamed of yourselves

   Hang in there poor people. Only 2 more years until Democrats pretend to care about you again.

   Everytime this post gets liked a Jihadist gets killed.

   .... Don't do Crime .... Don't resist Arrest ..... Follow the Officers orders .... Won't get Shot!

   Watching Comey testify was like watching Geraldo Rivera busting into Capone's vault....lots of media hype for nothing!

   Mistakes are painful; but as time goes by, it becomes a collection of experiences called Lessons. Live life and embrace life lessons!

   I found 2 bananas and a cucumber in my new girlfriend's nightstand. I think she has an eating disorder.

   Need hospital etiquette advice. How long should you wait after they pull the plug to ask if you can use the socket to charge your phone?

   brought to you today by next door's unsecured wireless router

   I've often wondered, what do people in China call their good plates?