Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon If I owned a taser, I’d probably get curious to see how it feels and taser myself… and that’s why I don’t own a taser.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you ever been too nice and ended up in a situation that you could have avoided by just being an a$$h*le?
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you find out she’s a little crazy, but now you like her even more.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 03:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I had an Australian Accent, I would never shut up.
←Rate | 09-05-2021 19:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The difference between a conspiracy theory and reality is about two weeks.
←Rate | 08-21-2021 06:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Call me old-fashioned, but I believe that marriage should be between a person who don’t like pickles and another person who will eat that pickle.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 04:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The next person that says “the jab” is gonna get “the shot” in the arse.
←Rate | 08-03-2021 21:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What do you get when a topless blond rubs sunscreen on a topless brunette? Your camera.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you’ve never lost your mind, you’ve never followed your heart.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The CDC just announced that you can stop wearing socks with your sandals.
←Rate | 06-06-2021 04:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Time to hit the sack. After that, I’ll probably just go to bed.
←Rate | 09-05-2021 19:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Twenty years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Today, the real world is an escape from the internet.
←Rate | 06-07-2021 03:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Blood is red, ultraviolet lights are blue, I’ve seen enough murder shows, they will never find you.
←Rate | 06-29-2021 05:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I say we legalize all drugs at the Olympics. Let's see how fast these MF's can run!
←Rate | 07-13-2021 01:22 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  

   messageicon Her: What is this pile of clothes on the floor? Me: I struck down a Jedi. Her: I h*te you. Me: Yes, use your h*te.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 03:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What makes Elon guard his Musk? Courage
←Rate | 06-06-2021 12:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A guy just yelled at me for texting and driving. I told him to get off my hood and mind his own business.
←Rate | 07-06-2020 12:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Hulu, Disney, Apple, Netflix, Amazon, CBS, NBC, and everyone else trying to create a streaming service: we’re not going to pay for eight of these, work it out.
←Rate | 06-06-2021 04:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon “It will be celebrated with pomp and parade, bonfires and illuminations from one end of this continent to the other.” ~ John Adams
←Rate | 07-04-2021 06:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Television is the monster in your home, and it’s called a program for a reason. It has been designed to psychologically change the ways that you view reality.
←Rate | 06-07-2021 03:29 Comments (0)  

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