Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Why do they always staff the slowest cashier at the express lanes at Walmart??

   I'm thinking about getting a dog from Asia. Instead of eating your homework, they actually do it for you.

   Dear Scissors, I feel your pain... No one wants to run with me either. Sincerely, Sarah Palin.

   Jesus is ALIVE! Happy Easter

   If you cross the N. Korean border illegally, you get 12yrs. hard labor. If you cross the Afghanistan border illegally, you get shot. If you cross the U.S. border illegally you get a job, a driver's license, food stamps, a place to live, and health care.

   more issues than your magazine.

   I wish people were like money,so you could hold them up to the light to see which one's are real and which one's are fake.

   Single is not a status. It is a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others

   Do you ever just look at someone and "Why?" is the only thing you can come up with?

   If I bet a hooker $100 that she can't make me cum...is that gambling or prostitution?

   You know you're getting old when you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

   Out playing hide and seek with Osama Bin Ladin. Damn he's good!

   NEWS FLASH: After watching video of this huge North East Snow Storm.... Al Sharpton has called an emergency meeting with his act up idiot group because the storm is...... ALL WHITE...... film at 11....

   In The News: Ferguson protest moves to St. Louis....... Why?, Because there's nothing left to steal in Ferguson!

   This went from the funniest site to the worst site fast

   Everytime I notice some loser has deleted me for being totally awesome, I wish that the small Asian from "The Hangover" would pop up on their screen and scream, "Tooood-a-loooo muthaf$ckaaaaasss!"

   Saw a headline that read 'Woman beats off rapist' and thought.. Well that seems like a reasonable compromise.

   This orange juice tastes weird without vodka.

   FYI - It's really difficult writing a death threat while you're listening to Journey.

   Whenever my EX shows up in my Facebook feed, I think "I am so glad you're the one that got away."