Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking... scared the hell out of me. So that's it, after today... no more reading.

   I just saved a bunch of money on therapy by switching to Dolly Parton music!!

   I would sell my soul for a cookie and a nap right now

   There's a new idea being presented that pedophilia is some sort of sexual orientation. If that's the case, let me be the first to volunteer to beat you straight. #SaveOurChildren

   What's the point of being a lesbian if a woman is going to look and act like an imitation man?

   thinking the sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette

   PANTS ON THE GROUND, PANTS ON THE GROUND! YOU'RE LOOKIN LIKE A FOOL WIT YOUR PANTS ON THE GROUND! PANTS ON THE GROUND! YOU'RE LOOKIN LIKE A FOOL WIT YOUR PANTS ON THE GROUND!......... Ya know, Simons right. I think it could be a hit.

   Just saw a guy using a payphone. I can only assume he's being told where to deliver the ransom money.

   Americans treat the Constitution the same way they treat the Bible: Despite never having read or understood it, they are quite certain they know both.

   Can you imagine how terrifying it would be to actually NOT know the difference between your ass from a hole in the ground?

   My best childhood memory was falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed thinking.. "Wow, I can teleport".

   If Mac users care more about the environment than Windows users... Why do Macs have a trash can, and Windows have a recycling bin ?

   blackpeoplemeet.com really ppl i'm a black dude & I know I was never a slave and there is not any slave drivers left so what are we really doing here

   and maybe learn to use the right kind of bale also!

   .. lost my mood ring, I don't know how I feel about this.

   Confucius Say...Women who wear Wonderbra make mountains out of molehills.

   likes Facebook because I can say whatever I want about anyone as long as it's carefully worded so you can't tell that I'm talking about you, Rebecca.

   I would like to wish a very Merry Christmas to all of my Polish friends..

   Rosetta Stoned: When you get so high you think you can speak a different language

   Behind every fat girl there is a beautiful woman.....No seriously, you're in the way.