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Gripenfelter Funny Status Messages
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I say we legalize all drugs at the Olympics. Let's see how fast these MF's can run!
142
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07-13-2021 01:22 by
Gripenfelter
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The things I do to make my wife happy. I'm wearing her underwear. She doesn't know I'm wearing them but when she puts them on tomorrow she'll think she lost weight.
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09-25-2019 21:59 by
Gripenfelter
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Pro Tip: If you wear a face mask your coworkers can't smell the alcohol on your breath.
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05-12-2020 00:55 by
Gripenfelter
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For $250/hr I will pose as a couples counselor and tell your partner they are wrong about everything.
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09-05-2019 23:48 by
Gripenfelter
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I hate waiting in lines. Hurry up and pick a suspect already.
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09-25-2019 21:59 by
Gripenfelter
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I always regret making a good first impression. Because there's no way I can keep that up for long.
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09-27-2019 22:35 by
Gripenfelter
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The person who said "One person can't change the world" obviously never ate an under-cooked bat.
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03-27-2020 10:43 by
Gripenfelter
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I swear we are fighting two pandemics Covid 19 and Stupidity.
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03-26-2020 13:28 by
Gripenfelter
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Facebook needs a notification like: “Karen took your Facebook post personally. Would you like to unfriend her?”
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12-25-2019 14:31 by
Gripenfelter
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Everything I know about electricity I learned from watching my drunk friends do home repairs.
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04-07-2017 01:18 by
Gripenfelter
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The reporter on CNN said that at the end of the day, the thing that will keep you safe is common sense. Some of you are in serious trouble.
27
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04-01-2020 08:04 by
Gripenfelter
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1
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I swear to God if I had one of those Race Car Beds, it would be on jack stands too.
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08-28-2020 10:30 by
Gripenfelter
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This is the longest something made in China has lasted.
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03-27-2020 03:36 by
Gripenfelter
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If your relationship fails, don't blame her. It takes two people to mess up a relationship. Blame her and her mother.
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03-18-2021 19:39 by
Gripenfelter
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If you drive by my house and see my kids picking weeds and crying, keep driving. They're on a field trip. #Quarantined
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04-01-2020 07:54 by
Gripenfelter
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0
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Thanksgiving is coming...time to set the weigh scale ahead 8 lbs.
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10-13-2020 12:58 by
Gripenfelter
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0
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My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
111
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01-01-2013 12:29 by
Gripenfelter
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0
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It's freezing outside. I hear by declare January Nipple Awareness Month.
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01-22-2013 08:42 by
Gripenfelter
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How long are we supposed to do this social distancing thing? My wife keeps trying to get back into the house.
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03-22-2020 14:28 by
Gripenfelter
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0
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Trojan rejected my safe sex slogan today. "Don't kid yourself".
22
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11-03-2016 09:56 by
Gripenfelter
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