Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   John Mayer is wearing a sofa from 1972.

   Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?

   Enjoying a Harlem shamrock shake

   The most fascinating thing I remember from my childhood is the amount of people Coolio fit into his trunk that day he went on a Fantastic Voyage.

   I'm not sure if Internet p@rn has really ruined any relationships but I'm sure it's ruined some keyboards.

   I’m not surprised you’re having problems I had a bad experience with your reality once too.

   A woman calling you "bro" is a pretty clear sign that it's time to put your pen*s back in your pants.

   My cat keeps bugging me for an Instagram account so he can show you his bowl of cat-food......... Every day

   DIVORCE: From first date to court date; you never see it coming.

   I'm pretty intelligent if you ask me and only me.

   Scientist believe that coworkers are the main reason why humans developed middle fingers.

   When I see a parent who doesn't give in to their kids tantrum,,, I want to give them the medal of valor

   Your problem is not my problem even if your problem is me.

   You know it's good sex when the neighbors call the police and a priest.

   From the creator of ‘'I Like You As A Friend'' and ‘'I Love You Like A Brother'' comes in 3D ‘'I Don't Know How To Tell You You're Ugly''

   The existence of the 'snooze' button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.

   I sometimes like to close my eyes and imagine a world with no poverty and also that my hand is a woman.

   When a woman says she’s speechless, free up 8 hours in your day because she’s about to say a lot.

   I don't work this hard to stay the same.

   People are saying that Lindsay Lohan was thumbing her nose at the law. She was prabably just holding it on from all the coke.