Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   been so depressed thinking about the economy I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

   i still think womens clothes look best on the floor.

   Facebook has pretty much made it impossible to ever again say, "I had no idea it was your birthday!"

   Worst thing to feel during a proctology exam ???...Two hands on your shoulders

   reading another chapter of How to Make Balloon Animals for Dummies - So far I can make a snake...

   thinks employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

   Surprise sex is the best sex. Unless you're in prison.

   moron.....hahaha.....nobody thinks you're funny

   Most people don’t realize this… But, you can eat organic, gluten-free food without telling everyone about it.

   Maybe Van Gogh cut his ear off because someone traveled back in time and whispered a Nickelback song in it.

   Tapping melons with your knuckles is a good way of making your selection in the store, but apparently it's frowned upon at the strip club.

   Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a bat.

   So what happened?? Did London just find out about the Rodney King verdict

   This pill bottle says 'Take with plenty of fluids' and 'Don't take with alcohol'. That doesn't even make sense

   Here's how it works. You have $ex, then nine months later you give birth. Seven years later, you flood my newsfeed with countless pics of these little "geniuses" who, in reality, are average at best.

   I'm always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank

   This world is in bad shape. Education would be nice or maybe just learning to spell before you put your thought into the public forum.......What the hell is a "ceeling fan"?

   letting you know your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory

   SAY ''I won a math debate'' really fast & click the like button if you get it

   Dont forget to pay your taxes this year so the Government can give it to people that dont work as hard as you...