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“Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.”
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09-18-2022 17:00 by
MM
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Don't let your Facebook balls get your real life teeth knocked out.
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07-16-2022 10:42 by
MM
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You can't sell electric cars if gas is cheap. If you don't think that's part of the plan, you're not paying attention.
140
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06-09-2022 14:30 by
MM
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Need money to travel back to 1941 to give Joe Bidens dad a condom.
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06-08-2022 16:27 by
MM
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Just because your p*ssy's wet doesn't t mean it's good. Trash bags leak too.
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04-21-2022 13:16 by
MM
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There's a problem with Kinect for X-Box... If I wanted to use my entire body to play sports... I would just play sports.
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03-26-2022 17:25 by
MM
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Folks crying about $4 a gallon gas while in line for $6 coffee.
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03-13-2022 10:40 by
MM
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A wise man washes his hands after he pees. A wiser man doesn't pee on his hands...
6
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03-10-2022 16:21 by
MM
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I got to face the facts. My orange loser will never darken the doors of the white house ever again. Not even as a tourist.
27
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02-22-2022 12:27 by
MM
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Why do women always say they want a man with a stable job... What’s so glamorous about cleaning up after horses?
8
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02-21-2022 16:17 by
MM
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There was another kidnapping at a local a school today, luckily the kid woke up!
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02-18-2022 16:55 by
MM
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I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives....
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02-18-2022 16:21 by
MM
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With all the discounted Valentine's candy that's available, I like to call February 15th "Loner Halloween."
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02-15-2022 16:42 by
MM
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I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it...
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02-15-2022 10:46 by
MM
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If I share my food with you, its either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don't want it...
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02-12-2022 10:00 by
MM
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Let her you care by grabbing anything off the CVS shelf with a heart on it.
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02-12-2022 09:54 by
MM
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You suddenly realize that you're all grown up that moment when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kicking it under the fridge.
15
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02-11-2022 16:33 by
MM
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Get hoarders addicted to crack, they will sell all their stuff...
9
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02-10-2022 19:28 by
MM
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People can't go to sleep if any of their phone apps need to be updated, but will drive their car with the check engine light on until it explodes.
17
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02-09-2022 16:32 by
MM
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Seeking one-night stand... Possibly 2 because I have two lamps.
13
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02-09-2022 14:59 by
MM
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