Joser Funny Status Messages

   I stopped drinking, but only when I sleep.

   Sorry dude. My girlfriend and I had a meeting and we've decided I don't want to hang out with you anymore.

   just saw a commercial for the Hogwarts place at universal... so down to take shrooms and go, who's down?

   When the forecast mentions isolated thunderstorms, I always think, "Why so emo, thunderstorm?"

   Even if you preface it with "I think strippers smell nice", saying "You smell like a stripper" has a way of being misconstrued.

   it's not illegal it's frowned upon

   A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine...

   every time Sarah Palin speaks, a moose dies...

   Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off...

   When I'm drunk and in the woods, I always have the urge to try to juggle squirrels.

   If a large group of lions is a Pride, what is a large group of housecats? Shame.

   Support your local record store today, because you can't roll a joint on a download b*tches.

   Conan O'Brien was on 60 Minutes this weekend . Jay Leno appeared 30 minutes in to take over due to 60 minutes "losing viewers and profits."

   I am now home from what would have been a hard day had I done any work

   Never end a sentence with a preposition. Incorrect: Thongs crack me up. Correct: Thongs up me crack.

   Less work. More aholic.

   My Hamster has a developed an issue. He slides money out of my wallet and eats it. Seriously! $40 this week, so far. Renaming him "Government".

   Yes, I know the muffin man, Why who wants to know?

   Google is really an undercover gambling addiction hence clicking "I'm Feeling Lucky" compulsively.

   F to the you to the C to the K pretty much sums up my day