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The difference between Kanye's supposed genius and his stupidity is that his genius has it's limits. 
The most frightening thing about nightmares is realizing that they were created by your mind.
Justin Bieber says he's quitting music. In related news, the Death Star now has one less reason to destroy Earth..
To all the Jehovas Witnesses: Happy 12:30am on a Wednesday!!!
Facebook movie. Well played NSA.
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the women
A cute thing I tell my kids is that Jurassic Park was an actual documentary shot when I was a kid and it's all true.
According to my Timehop, I drank a lot on this day in 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011...
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?
I didn't read the article but let me tell you what I think about the headline.
I have dragon slayer on my resume. Nobody's had the nutsack to call me on it, yet...
If you think you're having a bad day just remember, at least you're not receiving death threats by one of the world most powerful drug lord.
If you get Mickey Mouse ears at Disney World, what do you get at Dollywood?
More coffee, less people please.
What's it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it's only for booze?
Introverts have fun too, we just don't care if you know...
I forgot my phone when I went to the bathroom. I think that counts as camping.
Hey self-appointed MILFs, easy does it. We'll let you know.
Disappointment usually stems from expecting too much from strangers on Facebook.
Borrow five dollars from a woman and they will forget. Borrow a piece of Tupperware from a woman and they will hunt you down to every corner of the planet. 