Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I might not be a great example, but I'm one hell of a good warning....

   Someone came up to me and said get a life...I punched them in the face and said get a helmet.

   Honestly, when I crawled out of bed this morning I had no intention of being brilliant, but sometimes things just work out!

   Could you imagine if guys commented on their guy friends' profiles the way girls do? "Bro, you look so handsome" "Looking hot, man!" "OMG, your jawline is cray" "Ugh, how are you this perfect dude? I'm jelly" "sexy much?!"

   Pepsi and Coke can't even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.

   Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that.

   Getting so many spam emails. “Grow Your Hair Back”…"Lose weight now" ...”Enlarge your manhood”… Wait… these are from my wife.

   Wanna know what it's like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.

   n't it interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering

   It turns out that 3 is the amount of times you can suck on your dentist's finger before she stops believing that you're doing it accidentally.

   We spend so much money on buying different clothes... without realizing the best moments are spent without clothes... ;) :D :P

   Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

   Life is too short for regrets, so after mortally wounding your enemies, learn to forgive yourself and move on

   Noticed this morning that I have the body of a Greek GOD! Old, obsolete, and something that no one is interested in anymore.

   My uncle once told me, believe in yourself, work hard, and try not to have sex with other peoples wifes

   We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

   Roses are red Violets are blue Friend Requests are great But who the f#$k are you?

   Why the hell do we still use snow shovels when flame throwers are available?

   If someone starts a speech, "I'd like to take this opportunity--," I interrupt by shouting, "He's trying to take our opportunity! Grab him!"

   I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.