DP Funny Status Messages

   I want to hear 99 people sing 'Africa' by Toto. It's something that a hundred men or more could never do.

   The only way I'll watch Jerry McGuire is if you show me the money

   If you're pausing for dramatic effect.... just keep it going

   Just once I would like to cross my I's and dot my T's

   My dad knew I was going to be a comedian. When I was a baby, he said, 'Is this a joke?

   Bacon is loaded with sodium, nitrates, grease and animal fat...... Breakfast

   my mind used to be like a steel trap, now it's like the cart you get at the store with the bad wheel

   I can't be the only one who hasn't seen a Taylor Swift video

   Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

   If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a few payments

   The earliest bird gets the worm, and the second mouse gets the cheese

   Parallel lines have so much in common, it's a shame they'll never meet

   My wife accused me of being immature, I told her to get out of my fort

   Curosity killed the cat, but I was suspect for a while

   I've been eating Cheerios for years and never once have I felt like dancing before, during or after eating them

   if you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; then you'll be afraid to cough.