Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   You will never understand people, just understand that.

   Those who complain the most accomplish the least.

   I didn't go see the Social Network because I was worried I'd run into people from high school that I don't remember or didn't like.

   Having it all together is not my style.

   I don't think Oprah has driven herself anywhere in the last 25 years. Her don't text and drive advice is like her giving marriage or parenting tips.

   I'm about as motivated as a Denny's employee.

   Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.

   I just saw a van that had two signs on it. One said "We Speak English" and the other one said "We Delivery".

   Never kick a fresh terd on a hot day!

   thank you facebook for remembering so many birthdays.

   When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come. ....Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

   Old people tell the best stories.....

   I used to be in a band called 'Missing Cat'................. You probably saw our posters.

   Over/Under - Brett Farve: 70 sexting messages to NY woman while in town.

   I'd rather pump a soap dispenser a thousand times to get a trace amount of soap than spend the same amount of time refilling it.

   Hey New York....Hide your lady's, Brett Farve is in town and he brought his iphone.

   Facebook: making people think we really know their birth date

   I think Ben Roethlisberger got his hands on Brett Favre's phone??

   How to get comments on facebook......oops I thought this was google

   the accident that is causing you to be stuck in traffic this morning? It's Brooks Conrad's fault...