Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson (Good Luck to those playing the powerball!!)

   The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

   After telling a joke to a little sad kid, he simply asked back " do you know why the chicken crossed the road?" I said no why? He said " Because you were telling the joke at the chicken side". The end and he walked away. :/

   my new years resolution is 1920 x 1080

   liked to climb trees as a kid....until I fell and broke all the Christmas presents.

   Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal have broken up. In other news, Taylor Swift has started writing her next album.

   Dear God, I think you're taking this Angry Birds game a little to the extreme.

   Wii should make beer pong... tired of losing to my son in all the games HE'S good at

   Dear Santa, Let me explain about last year..

   Apparently riding the dog like it's a small horse is FROWNED UPON in this ESTABLISHMENT!

   When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it's for them?

   Renaming my wifi network to 'Police Surveillance Van #2'. That should keep the neighbors peeking out the windows toes for a while

   I ain't been around the world yet...... But I've been around the sun 24 times

   Sarah Palin on fact-finding mission to Arkansas: "We need to find out why birds are dying before they can be shot."

   On my 8th slice of pizza watching the bigget loser!! Time to make a change!! Where's the remote??

   Well, I guess people in Arkansas don't have to worry about bird flu this year...

   I think that all P0rn movies could have the exact same title....."Sh t That Will Never Happen to You"

   what if she has a boyfriend.. Soccer has a goaly too ;)

   flights booked, lawyer called, cars ordered, mansion picked out.....now I just need my lotto numbers to hit!!!

   while it is true there are plenty of other fish in the sea, its also true most aren't even close to being a trophy.