Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Women are like roads. They will take you to new places, they have beautiful curves, and I'm probably going to drive my car onto one soon.

   We put a man on the moon, but we don't have roll down windows in the back of minivans yet??

   I may not be perfect, but Jesus thinks I'm to die for.

   I am tired of men complaining about women complaining about men complaining about women

   If you've ever said "Haters gonna hate", you can go ahead and add me to that list.

   I don't another superpower... When I lift my son to let his hand touch the ceiling,, I see it in his eyes.

   Here is one I bet you don't know. If you say the word "gullible" slow enough, it'll sound like "oranges"

   You're from Oslo? Norway!

   Thanks coffee for tricking us into believing that it's a good morning for a few minutes.

   It's not you...it's my wife.

   I guess North Korea's illustrious leader is too stupid to realize if he launches an attack, North Korea will be wiped from the map.

   We found the Gates of Hell? Why were we looking for those? Doesn't searching for the cure of cancer matter anymore?

   Walking away from a senseless arguments, makes sense to me!

   You believe some dude walked on water but being g ay is unnatural?

   My safe word is "eww."

   When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend. No one could imagine why he was my friend.

   I like to draw graffiti on highway overpasses. Things like "clearance 40 feet".

   I used to get scared when I worked nights as a security guard so I carried a security blanket.

   FACT: The "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't" is not really a good defense in court

   Fire roasted peanuts are so much better than water or wind roasted peanuts.