Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "I never say never." Liars...

   Booze Allen called and asked if I still wanted the IT Securities job. I responded by saying I'm not going to Prism messing with y'all.

   look guys, if you're 40+ and your profile picture is of your car, you're not doing life right...

   Call me old fashioned, but on some nights there's nothing quite like curling up next to my kindle fire with a good eBook.

   █████████████████████ Take that prism!

   People that will eat food even after they seen that I've pre-licked it to claim ownership, are my only natural predators.

   I just bought a fridge magnet and it's working great. I have 10 fridges so far.

   I cut myself while shaving today, because who has time to do both?

   I always chase joggers with my car to motivate them.

   A woman can be satisfied with 3 inches.. it doesn't matter if it's Visa or MasterCard.

   Poor (adj.) When you have too much month at the end of your money

   I wish weekends went by like microwave minutes

   I'm proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don't want to hang out with you now... but I'm still very proud...

   If you have never said "Luke, I am your father" into an empty pringles can, then you probably should get on that

   Call Kenny Loggins because we are in the Danger Zone!!!

   meanwhile in Justin Biebers anal cavity. ~•　　　　~•　　　　　　　　~•　　　　　　　~•　　　　~†¢ã€€ã€€ã€€~•　　　　　　~•　　　　~•　　　　　　　　~• 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　ã

   I'm done looking for a woman, ladies quit sending me your numbers please and thank you.

   ARE YOU LOSING MONEY EVERY TIME YOU BATHE? If you're taking cash into the shower, the answer may surprise you.... Stay tuned.

   I remember when "the RAM in your computer" referred to literal rams, with horns, who turned the giant wheel that powered our electronics.

   If we make guns illegal, then nobody will get shot anymore... That's how we stopped everybody from doing drugs