Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   When a guy tells you he's meat free, it's a safe bet he's also girlfriend free.

   I'm taking my two beautiful children home from Disney World...... I'm leaving the two ugly ones there.

   One thing's for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!

   Free range chicken, because freedom is delicious.

   UGHhhh,, Spelling errors agrevated me SO much,,,, Just mix up two letters and your whole post is urined

   A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked me "Where were you between four and six?" I replied, "Kindergarden"

   God made cousins so that parents can compare our marks.

   If attacked by a mob of clowns... Go for the juggler !!!

   Mondays are like a dry hand job. Hurts during, feels good when it's over...

   If only your liver could talk... the stories it could tell. That's why I keep it liquored up, so it will stay quiet.

   imagine if everytime you yawned .. a ghost was putting his pecker in yer mouth ..

   "Knock knock", "who's there?", "Weekend", "Weekend who?", "We can wish it was the weekend, but its MOnday!"

   Dear Kanye; if you really are Yeezus, raise your album out of my recycle bin.

   When people tell me knock knock jokes I pretend I'm not home.

   I don't even drink my first cup of coffee every day, I just pour it over my head like a football coach so everyone knows I'm here to win.

   Dear God, I could have wished a happy Father's day but decided against it considering how an absent, unaring and neglecting dead-beat dad you have been. I bet Kanye West would make a better father than you.

   As it turns out, most people don't even notice when I'm withholding sex from them.

   I don't drink, so you people don't get any better looking as the night wears on.

   Strip malls are the most promiscuous of all the malls

   I JUST DRUNK 37 MONSTER ENERGYS AND NOW I CAN SMELL ABSTRACT LEGISLATIVE EUPHEMISMS