Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I wish all of you worked with me. We'd have so much fun til we all got fired.

   a MAN and woman is the only way the world can survive

   Sometimes I'm happy, then mad, then hungry and then chatty. So yes, I understand women. Great, now I'm crying.

   My idea of multitasking is getting someone else to do it.

   People are never going to stop talking are they?

   If by romantic you mean being indifferent and occasionally funny, then yes, I'm super romantic.

   Making someone happy is a lot of work. Make them question their sanity and move on.

   You're broken and I have trust issues, let's get this madness started.

   Andy Murray has done it for the United Kingdom! Yipee!!

   Married sext: I'll remember to bring my Tupperware home from work today.

   I feel most at one with my phone when I can see that it's desperately searching too.

   Some people believe,we shouldn't say things that offend other people...Well...If my posts offend you then are intended, just for you..!

   I wonder who coined the phrase, "Once you go black, you never go back"...because I personally changed it to... "Once you go baby wipe, you never go 2 ply".

   Of course I'm into sports, I love surfing :-) ....surfing on the Internet, that is :P

   What do you call an Ethiopian woman with a yeast infection?....¼ pounder with cheese

   Happy 237th birthday America, you have achieved a level of corruption that rivals the crown we freed ourselves from.

   220 Koreans in a plane crash.... No wonder we already have so many photos of the wreckage. (>_<)

   What do our phones do when we go to sleep? Do they go have some fun? Or do they stare at us?

   When I find a phone book on my porch, I know that reverse time travel is real. It is people from the past just messing with me.

   I tried slicing fruit mid-air with my samurai sword like a ninja, but the fruit just fell on the floor and the police tasered me in Wal Mart.