Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It's true, opposites attract. My wife gets up early and does stuff.

   I wonder who the first person to see a pig lying in it's own poo and say "I bet that is the tastiest animal on the planet."

   I'm trying to live healthier......but I'm considering taking up cigars, since they're still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.

   Burger King has accepted the Tax Duck-it Challenge. They have no challenged Yum Brands, Panera Bread, and White Castle. You have 24 hours or you will have to donate $8 billion to Obama's Economic Patriotism initiative.

   I went to the zoo to see if we really are related to monkeys, and one of them threw poo at me. That’s my cousin jim bob alright

   Never the trendsetter his cousin Davy was, explorer Stevie Crockett failed in his attempt to popularize the skunkskin cap

   If people say you're acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you're totally nailin' it.

   Obviously the movie "the good wife" is not based on a true story. It's fiction people.

   I will accept drink a case of beer challenge. . .

   Two cannibals are eating a clown and one says to the other, does this taste funny to you. . .

   I think I'll open a lemonade stand, you know.. for those lemons that I collected through life. . .

   I am currently taking the cold beer challenge.

   all my teachers know computers....they used to code "C++" on my school papers

   I pledge to drink a bucket of wine to raise awareness for the earthquake that affected Napa wine country.

   Some of these people I wish would do their ALS Ice Bucket Challenge with a bucket that is a solid block of ice.

   Action movie villains should really go to the gun range to practice beforehand, because they always miss.

   When two sets of boobs cross paths, the larger set has the right of way.

   Studies show that men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. Unless your wife finds out.

   How about something colder than a bucket full of ice? Like a bucket full of your exes hearts.

   If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I’m very skilled at shooting aliens this way