Funny Status Messages

   If you fall and break both of your legs, don't come running to me.

   Amy Winehouse is 27 today...her liver is lookin like 63

   Some people need to do things to try and impress simply because their personality doesn't

   ..thinks her computer is so slow, it must be running Windows B.C...

   what's the difference between a women with PMS and a pitbull? Lipstick

   Divorce attorney: $3,500. Mediator fees: $575. Court costs: $130. Finally being legally and financially free from that former 'significant other': PRICELESS!

   has multiple personality disorder and so do i

   wants every ending to be a HAPPY ending ! :-D

   It's not warm in the car; you're rolling down the window because you farted.

   Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like Open bars... I could really use a drink right now...

   A$$ ICONS: (_!_) - Regular A$$ ; (__!__) - Fat A$$ ; ( ! ) - Tight A$$ ; (_*_) - Sore A$$ ; (_o_) - Well used A$$ ; (_e=mc²_) - Smart A$$ !!!!! :D

   What's the diference between a woman and a battery? A battery has a positive side.

   It's not that I don't like men..Its just that I think they should drink from separate water fountains..

   i guess its better to be picking daisies than pushing them up

   killing 1 bird with 2 stones

   so the truth come out of its eerie inhabitants

   I hate rich people who think they are above and better than the poor and middle class,hey people when your gone they'll use manure on your grave just like mine

   need advice on how to make a paper cut to the jugular look like an accident.

   damn wish I didnt take things to literally all the time went to friendly's and the waitress asked if I would like a happy ending

   My mom thinks LOL stands for "Lots Of Love" and texted me "Your Grandma just died. LOL"