Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Happy Earth Day. I'm doing my part by vacuuming all of the dirt out of my car and putting it back on the ground where it belongs.

   Dating a single mother.... It's like continuing from somebody else's saved game.

   Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles? He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.

   Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape North Korea's long range missiles.

   I'll bet any one of you I could stop gambling!

   Sometimes your greatest contribution to mankind is just keeping your mouth shut.

   Happy Earth Day. Please keep it clean. After all.... it's not Uranus!!!

   Men are only as loyal as their options

   Why can't a pony sing? ............Because it's a little horse.

   I don't care about high gas prices!... I always put $20 dlls in my car!. 

   A tongue has no bones but it’s really strong enough to break a heart.

   Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am, and my attitude depends on who you are.

   Romance works because ladies love dumb stuff and they are easily swayed by meaningless gestures. That's why all dudes have the same technique. It's called lying.

   Most people spend their time trying to find someone to sleep with, instead of finding someone worth waking up to.

   Don't be a sexist, broads hate that.

   If you believe a womans place is in the kitchen you must have just finished having sëx and that þìtçh is making your sammich.

   How many girls it takes to change a light bulb? 4 if you count the one taking and posting the pic to Facebook

   That awkw.. moment when you stare at someone in the Asian supermarket trying to figure out what kind of Asian they are. :)

   When I say you are pretty, don't thank me thank God.

   "No one will know about your small pen*s if your ex girlfriends are all dead" is the only relationship advice I've given in the past 5 years