Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "Hello modelling agency?" "Yeah, my Facebook photo has 27 likes and I think I'm ready to go pro."

   Which Playmate is in charge of sorting Hugh Hefner's pills?......'cause you KNOW that's an all day job....

   DATING TIP: never reveal how many cats you have.

   If your kids don't shut the hell up and rock when "Sad But True" starts playing, you've failed them as a parent.

   Sorry, but your kids don't look adorable when they lose their teeth, they look like tiny homeless people.

   Hey North Korea... It's no coincidence one of our atomic bombs was once named "Little Boy"

   You don't have to be smart, good looking or wealthy to make someone happy.

   Tip for women; All men really want is to be close to someone who will leave them the hell alone.

   Men it’s simple. Work all day, fix things in the evenings, paint the house, wash the cars and dogs on the weekend and give us 100% of your attention…

   Married Men are always wrong, period. Or no period. ;)

   why do companies match others prices? If you can't save me money I'll just shop where I'm at!!

   5 symptoms of laziness --> 1.

   Guys, never give up. If a girl doesn't reply to your text, call her. If she doesn't answer, knock on her door. They love a persistent man.

   PRO PARENTING TIP: 1. Take pictures of you pulling baby out of spacecraft in forest... .2. Hide pictures in attic for kid to find when he's ten... 3. When he asks you about the picture, stare silently into the ceiling for 10 min. then make chirping noise

   Don't Lie To The Love Of Your Life ..... For The Hoe Of The Night !!!

   You can trust fat people. We don't do crimes it's too much work. We just want to eat and watch the food network.

   I nicknamed my Grandma Nicki Minaj because she says the same things over and over again and she scares me.

   Dwayne Johnson, paper, scissors...

   Bi&ches take pictures with bra and panties and post it for a million strangers to see. Then say they wifey material, no bi&ch you strip club material..

   "Just because you can't dance, doesn't mean you shouldn't dance" -Alcohol