Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If I were a sheriff in the old west, I'd make some "WANTED" posters that said "NOT INTERESTED" so insecure outlaws would just come to me.

   The most fascinating thing I remember from my childhood is the amount of people Coolio fit into his trunk that day he went on a Fantastic Voyage.

   I hate when people text me "what are you doing?" at 1:00 pm on a weekday. Well I don't have your Art History degree, so probably "working".

   There should be a "I've seen enough" button.

   it's spring break around here and judging by the FB posts, all teachers hate their jobs..

   I just called up the phone company and put em on hold. Every 5min I come on an tell them how important their business is to me. Please hold.

   I'm not lazy. I just absolutely, passionately, wholeheartedly enjoy doing nothing.

   I'm not saying don't trust the internet but there's an alarming discrepancy between the number of ipads I've won & the number of ipads I own

   If you took all the babies on earth and stacked them head to toe,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, That would be kidnapping.

   Rihanna says she’ll probably have kids,,,,,, mostly because Chris wants to take a swing at being a dad.

   What??? You want me to travel to Manila to pick up some envelopes??

   I'm going to Brussells. Anyone need sprouts?

   I think I might have had a wee bit too much green beer last night. I woke up this morning next to Paddy O’Furniture.

   Ok so there are Google Goggles and Google Shoes... Wake me when they launch the Google Snuggie!

   Let's get it straight. It's not about the, "Right to bear arms", it's about the, "Right to arm bears."

   i wanna give Taylor a Swift kick in the ass

   I fear the day someone invents a vibrator that can also open jars.

   Went for a romantic walk in the woods last night. Well, I called it romantic. She called it stalking.

   I think you scientists did a great job of making old people's d-i-c-k-s hard. How 'bout you guys take a look at cancer and stuff now.

   Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me