Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he’s trying to bust a move.

   Dear Kids, go to College…it’s the only time it’s acceptable to be drunk and poor.

   Treat your woman like you treat your smartphone: touch her often, stare at her, and make her the most important thing in your life.

   Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.

   Sorry hun, but unlike you, I’m not a doorknob where everyone gets a turn. I’m more of a casino where only the lucky ones hit the jackpot.

   If gas gets any more expensive I’ll have to file for tankruptcy!

   Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.

   Hey Liver, it's Friday... Time to clock-in!

   and the winner of the best Harlem Shake.......Lil Wayne!

   My neighbor complained I was playing Bruce Hornsby too loud. I told him, That's just the way it is.

   Enjoying a Harlem shamrock shake

   Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.

   Did you hear the bad news about about Lil Wayne? He's ok.

   I am confident but not 'propose to my girlfriend of 2 months live on TV' confident.

   I think, therefore i'm single.

   My wife loves role playing in bed. Her favorite is playing dead.

   A recent study has shown that its much more difficult to lie to someone you truly love than lying to someone you don't love.

   Interrupt me to say I pronounced your name wrong, and I will make a point to say it wrong every time thereafter.

   I'm gonna surprise the gf, and wake her with oral sex...hope she doesn't choke.

   Hey you guys! Rock bottom has a buffet and an open bar!