Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   No you may not "Axe" me a question, I don't speak Walmart.

   If Adele's doctor didn't say "the baby looks healthy rolling in the deep" at least once, she needs to find another doctor.

   Nice try, girls who make up for being fat with makeup, designer bags and shoes. Nice try.

   I’m saving time and money by misdiagnosing all my illnesses on the internet!

   The sun rises with coffee and sets with whiskey.

   Kinda slow at work today, so I started browsing different pom sites. Cutest little doggies ya ever seen! ツ

   I really hope I never become famous because I'm really horrible at hooking up with celebrities.

   Ladies, is wrong to say that all men want is to get into your pants... some of them want to rip them off.

   If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise

   those Hairy Twatter books were good but I liked the movies better!!

   Being good at spelling is like knowing how to draw a really cool dragon. Unless you are a tattoo artist, no one cares. Skin doesn't auto correct!

   If it turns out Lance used drugs to beat cancer, I'm going to be so disappointed.

   Unless I see a tombstone of someone who died for not doing so, I won't 'like' your post to prove "love Jesus" or hate cancer.

   Going to sleep with a t-shirt on is a great way to wake up knowing what a crocodile death roll feels like

   Let's put Congress in front of Oprah...

   If you think about it,, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff...

   Truthfully, my resume should state,, "when I feel like it" after every skill listed.

   All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of Lay's potato chips.

   This is your ass (_._) This is your ass in prison (_O_) . Any questions? Just say no to crime!

   I don't know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.