Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The Mayans were so incorrect that... Obama just won their electoral votes.

   I bet the people that really died yesterday got up to Heaven and was like "WTF?? Where in the heII is everybody else"??

   if there's too much sauce on the biscuit.. you better find another biscuit to eat! ;)

   Sometimes I like to challenge myself AnD exercise at the same time.... Today I made it an extra five minutes just by squirming around and wiggling my foot before I had to run for the bathroom........

   Never trust a Chia Pet.....don't ask.

   Yesterday, 'Gangnam Style' became the first YouTube music video to receive 1 BILLION views. Which makes yesterday the actual day the music died.

   I tried writing one of those braggy, family Christmas letters,, but it just started looking like a suicide note.

   Walmart.. The only place in America where you can buy a shrimp-ring, a wedding-ring, and tidy-bowl for a toilet ring in the same store.

   Apocalypse Update Day 2: Still here....... Damn!!

   Quit asking! I know nothing about the missing cookies!... now, if you will excuse me, I'm getting a glass of milk!

   After Facebook picked our minds for years...NOW it is asking How it's going?....how am I feeling? and what's happening? Is this some kind of psycho Therapy..?? Like · · Promote

   Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.

   Facebook is the most confusing dating site I have ever been on.

   Well unfortunately this year again, I didnt get to buy any kid's gift on Black Friday. So I'm getting them the usual Xmas present. A big pack of batteries and attach a card to it that says "Toys not Included"..... It's the thought that counts right?

   I'm not allowed to have caffeine after 9 because midnight dance-offs have a high casualty rate.

   No I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at what I think of you.

   I may be on Santa's naughty list but at least I had fun getting there.

   My wife's safe word: "Not tonight"

   My Dad just called to give me the "I'm worried about your drinking" talk. We are going to meet-up and discuss it over a few beers.

   I wish there was a sarcasm font so people could read my humor and not be offended.