Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Hey girls who feel empty and inadequate unless they have a man; that's a lot of pressure on a creature that can't even piss inside a toilet bowl without missing.

   I know alcohol is never the answer, but it's always my best guess

   You can't be 100% sure a girl you're talking to on Twitter is really a girl til she gets completely furious at you for absolutely no reason.

   Chivalry never goes out of style. Open doors, pull out chairs, and offer to undo your own belts.

   R.I.P to all the virginity that will be lost tonight.

   How much doggy style do I have to do before I turn into a dog?

   I love a woman in a suit! Her birthday suit that is.

   Did we DIE???... omg is this hell???... oh we didn't, so youre telling me I'm just at work o_O... oh well carry on then

   If God didn't want me to have sex all the time, maybe he shouldn't have blessed me with this pretty huge d ick.

   The best part about working from home is the alcohol.

   I lost my virginity to a guy who said "just the tip"

   The Mayans were wrong so they must've been men!

   I'm so lazy I don't understand, I undersit.

   Call me an optimist, but one day I hope to see changes in the Arab world. Like freedom of speech, democracy or someone smiling in public.

   Well...this apocalypse is off to a slow start...can't believe I shaved my balls for this.

   My favourite Christmas song is the one about baby Jesus passing gas. Forgot what it's called but the main chorus is "Do you hear what I hear?"

   Just watched a girl choke on her food and this can only mean one thing, she forgot to take a picture of it first and post it on her FB wall.

   9 1/2 months from now there are gonna be a lot of babies born...suckers.

   ou all have nothing to worry about, Zombies only eat people that have brains.....

   Mayans lol...and to think MTV started "Punked"!!