Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "I wanted to watch football on NBC but this figure skating they're showing is cool too". --said no one ever

   Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in company fridge. Today I had a prawn sandwich named Kevin.

   Girls who say " A lot of guys are after me", should keep in mind that low prices always attract many customers.

   Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to....unless you're in prison.

   Breaking: Elmo taking over as the "special teams" coach at Penn. State!

   Your coffee was getting cold - Was the best excuse I could come up with after my boss caught me farting in his beverage.

   According to this bathroom stall, my ex changed her number again.

   The only person who thinks I'm amazing just the way I am is Bruno Mars :(

   Today is full of possibilities and I have a strong feeling none of them are mine.

   I bet there is nothing a hug from a panda can't fix.

   I think about you all day & I can't wait to sleep at night just to see you in the morning. This is how I know our love is real, food.

   Nothing says you will be in a bad mood all day like not having enough sleep. And by "not having enough sleep" I mean getting out of bed.

   The problem with frozen yoghurt is that it's not ice cream.

   I just saw a kid wearing crocs. Wow if you hate your kid that much just put him up for adoption you don't have to make him suffer like that.

   You're damn straight I'm jealous! I'm buying a cage and putting you in it. No more seeing other cats.

   WARNING! if you get a mail where it says "go to hell", DON'T do it!! It's a fake mail! It's really hot down there and people are pissed

   I bet an air freshener that smells like stale cigarette smoke would last forever.

   Hey Gen. Petraeus, look on the bright side. At least she was prettier than Monica Lewinski, Rielle Hunter and Schwarzenegger's maid combined...

   Day,.....whatever...i am thankful for Mexican food,adult diapers, internet porn, and Kleenex

   Jeez. There is no reason to tailgate me in the SLOW LANE. Especially when I'm doing 20 kph over the limit anyways. And those stupid ricer flashing red and blue lights on your roof make you look ridiculous.