Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   You can't control random.

   Speaking in a reasonable voice doesn't make your argument reasonable.

   Today is the sixth of September, also known as 6/9. A calendar somewhere must be having fun right now.

   You know its true love when she makes you wanna stop deleting your browser history.

   I only fall for women that are cold, damaged and empty inside. That way I don't get accused of up a good thing.

    Coffee (n.): a magical substance that turns "leave me alone, or die!" into "good morning people of the world".

   I would never shut up if I had a British accent.

   I just inadvertently murdered two snails in front of what I can only assume was their son. As a result, I may have just created the snail equivalent of the batman.

   A Texas man died during a lap dance at a strip club. His Tomstone is going to read "His wife said he was a good hubby, but he died with a chubby."

   I never root for a mime or a guy with a chain wallet to walk it across the street successfully.

   I am the undefeated champion of this"smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don't-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day" game

   Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.

   I'm just a boy. In love with a girl. Standing here quietly. Behind your shower curtain. Watching.

   Mexican word of the day "Budweiser" That women over there has a nice body, budweiser face so ugly?

   I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.

   mexican word for the day: "Herpes". Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes.

   I've tried listening, comforting and giving concrete solutions to your problem. Nothing worked. Is it me or your endless PMS?

   Today 9/6 marks the end of my 7 years of bad luck for breaking a mirror. just like this one here......oops, Oh crap, not again.

   The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I'm kidding, it's her boobs.

   I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you are good with grammar you will get it.